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  • Workshop Wednesday: The Gender Binary

    This visual teaching tool is based on the knowledge I received from the work of multiple writers and groups, such as b. binaohan, bell hooks, Janet Mock, Jennifer Coates, Julia Serano, Michael Warner, the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN), and the Positive Space Initiative (PSI) of the Ontario Council of Agencies Serving Immigrants (OCASI).

    The Gender Binary tool works best with the Oppression Triangle tool, as well as Dis/Ableism 101 and the Pillars of White Supremacy. The purpose of this poster/handout is to introduce the forms of oppression that the Western Gender Binary perpetuates, how they’re made up of social norms/standards, and the terms that go along with or disrupt the system. It may be a little advanced for folks who are just starting to understand that there are more than just two genders/sexes, but it attempts to sketch a basic outline for those who want to learn how patriarchy, cisgenderism, heterosexism, and transmisogyny are inter-related. This is also a work-in-progress that continues to evolve as our understanding of the Gender Binary and how to dismantle the violence it perpetuates continues to evolve. 

    Note: Transmisogyny refers to a specific oppression that affects folks who were assigned male at birth but identify and/or express themselves as female and/or feminine. This is different than folks who are trans, female assigned at birth, and experience misogyny and transphobia.

    Activity Ideas

    • Draw and write out a large version of the first three columns of the handout, and in chalk, pencil, or eraseable marker, work with the participants on what kind of line would be drawn through these columns based on the terms shown on the rest of the tool. For example, “heterosexual male” would look like a straight line starting from “Male” to “Man married to 1 woman with kids”. Discuss how the Gender Binary creates the threat of violence every time the line deviates from being straight.
    • Divide the participants into 3-4 groups, and have each group focus on one of the following: patriarchy/sexism, transmisogyny, cisgenderism and/or heterosexism. Have them present to each other what they understand these forms of oppression are based on their section of the handout, and how the 5 social norms influences these oppressions.
    • Divide the participants as described above, but instead of just presenting the concepts, have them choose a level of oppression (e.g. individual, cultural, or institutional) to give an example, and a liberation strategy (such as accomplices/allies, direct action, policy, programming, etc) to provide a possible way to respond to the oppressive example.
    • Draw and write out a large version of the poster, but leave most of it blank, except for the forms of oppression, the first column that has all the social norms/standards, and the headers in the first row. Everything else should be on small strips of paper or cards with tape on them that the participants must figure out together where they go on the chart.

    Poster Description

    The background is pale blue, and the title in a black box bordered by blue and pink reads “The Western Gender Binary” with online addresses underneath in purple to “lukayo.com” and “patreon.com/lukayo“. The first column of the chart in black font has seven sections: “forms of oppression”, “social norm / standard”, “Sex/Gender Assignment/Designation”, “Gender Identity”, “Gender Expression”, “Sexual/Romantic Orientation”, and “Relationship Structure/Family”. There are five other columns after this one.

    The first row for “Forms of Oppression” has the word “transmisogyny” in orange on an orange line that encompasses the five other columns, as well as the terms “patriarchy / sexism” and “cisgenderism / transphobia / heterosexism / homophobia”. The words “patriarchy / sexism” in yellow on a yellow line encompasses the first two columns only. The words  “cisgenderism / transphobia / heterosexism / homophobia”  in red on a red line encompasses the last three columns only.

    The second row that has “social norm / standard” in the first column also has the headers for the other columns. The second column is “the superior gender that holds power” in blue. The third column is “the inferior gender, property of superior” in pink. The fourth column is “terms about people that are allowed to exist” in green. The fifth column and sixth column have the same header with a slight difference. The fifth column is “terms describing people that must be destroyed because they’re outside the gender binary (western)” in purple. The sixth column is “terms describing people that must be destroyed because they’re outside the gender binary (non-western)” in purple. The sixth column does not have rows 2-7, because these terms are outside of the social norms and standards that are described in the first column.

    Under the second column called the “superior gender that holds power” in blue, the five ways it manifests with the five social norms and standards in the first column are as follows:  “Sex/Gender Assignment/Designation” : “Male”,  “Gender Identity” : “Man/Male”,  “Gender Expression” : “Masculine”,  “Sexual/Romantic Orientation” : “Male attraction only to females”, and “Relationship Structure/Family” : “Man married to 1 woman with kids”.

    Under the third column called the “inferior gender, property of superior” in pink, the five ways it manifests with the five social norms and standards in the first column are as follows:  “Sex/Gender Assignment/Designation” : “Female”,  “Gender Identity” : “Woman/Female”,  “Gender Expression” : “Feminine”,  “Sexual/Romantic Orientation” : “Female attraction only to males”, and “Relationship Structure/Family” : “Woman married to 1 man with kids”.

    Under the fourth column called the “terms about people that are allowed to exist” in green, the five ways it manifests with the five social norms and standards in the first column are as follows:  “Sex/Gender Assignment/Designation” : “Non-Intersex” and “Cisgender,  “Gender Identity” : “Cisgender”,  “Gender Expression” : “Heteronormative, Gender-conforming”,  “Sexual/Romantic Orientation” : “Heterosexual, Heteronormative”, and “Relationship Structure/Family” : “Heteronormative monogamous marriage”.

    Under the fifth column called the “terms describing people that must be destroyed because they’re outside the gender binary (western)” in purple, the five ways it manifests with the five social norms and standards in the first column are as follows:  “Sex/Gender Assignment/Designation” : “intersex” and “transgender”,  “Gender Identity” : “agender, bigender, genderqueer, multigender, transgender, etc”,  “Gender Expression” : “crossdresser, butch, femme, androgynous, etc”,  “Sexual/Romantic Orientation” : “asexual/romantic, bisexual/romantic, gay/homoromantic, lesbian/homoromantic, pansexual/romantic, etc”, and “Relationship Structure/Family” : “anogamy, polyamory, polygamy, etc”.

    Under the sixth column called “terms describing people that must be destroyed because they’re outside the gender binary (non-western)” in purple, the text reads “These terms are based also or solely on ethnicity and/or spiritual role and/or cultural position, such as two-spirit, hijra, fa’afafine, mino, asog, etc.”


    Want to have access to the larger full colour updated 2018 poster, the original photograph of the hand-drawn 2016 poster, and other anti-oppression related teaching tools? Click on the link below and subscribe for as little as $3/month. By becoming a patron, you support healing work among my communities, and the indigenous Elders that mentor me.

    https://www.patreon.com/posts/23426260

  • Throwback Thursday: Face It (2011)

    Image Description: On a pink wall there is a mirror with a pink frame. In the mirror there are partial reflections of a door way, green plants, and their shadows. The text on top of the image reads: “face it” and “lukayo.com” and “www.patreon.com/lukayo”.

    Content Warning: abuse, substance abuse, self-harm

    it
    is like
    trying to construct my future
    out of the photos of someone else’s past
    fooling me into thinking the pieces fit
    just because they’re in rectangular blocks
    as if I can really build something here
    outside of the playground of
    rusty abandoned expectations
    and the raw failings of the strangers who raised me
    as long as none of the pictures carry
    my
    own
    face

    it
    is like
    staring into a mirror engraved with the lines
    of his left eye, my features distorted by
    the shape of his pupil
    sclera background and iris-bright
    believing that there’s a ghost of me
    living in his head for keepsake
    cuddling his corpus callosum
    and tickling his medulla oblangata
    till all his thoughts are watermarked with
    my
    own
    face

    it
    is like
    screaming
    in an abandoned park mountaintop at midnight
    face-in-pillow empty nest heartbreak
    1st therapy session
    1st rock concert
    1st triple orgasm
    while phantom ex-lovers demand Scott-Pilgrim-like duels
    and current lovers become disruptor shields
    and a makeshift secret treehouse
    build around the weathered bark of
    my
    own
    face

    it
    is like
    her kisses know all the passwords
    her ears trace confessions in my throat-pulsing moans
    her fingers caressing these weary cheekbones
    and button up nose and whip eye lashes
    and cracked slam-spitting lips
    till I grasp after her touch
    by getting reacquainted with
    my
    own
    face

    it
    is like
    the persistent penny in my pocket
    reminding me to save
    my
    own
    face

    it
    is like
    breathing through the
    bruises of disrespect and the
    hollows of self-neglect
    trying to recognize
    my
    own
    face

    it
    is like
    finally feeling safe enough
    to peel off the designer brand new skin,
    armoured make-up, too cool for you look
    and reveal dreams that live on
    my
    own
    face

    it
    on
    my
    own

    face it

    darling

    I am so sorry
    that I left you behind
    that I gave you away
    that I told you to trust them
    and believe them and obey

    I am so sorry
    that I told you love was sacrifice and pain
    that you were worthless if you
    couldn’t make them stay

    I am so sorry
    I starved you of touch, food, and rest
    because I thought you weren’t good enough yet

    I am so sorry
    that when you were crying
    I drowned you with beer and
    other people’s fists to keep you quiet

    I am so sorry
    I only wrote you lines fit
    for a bit part tragic villain

    I am so sorry
    I told you no one would ever be willing
    to love
    that
    kind of
    face

    it was wrong

    face it

    I was wrong

    I couldn’t see what was right in front of
    my
    own
    face

    it

    is the promise

    that from now on

    no more shaming
    no more denying
    no more punishing
    no more lying
    no more running
    from this reflection that cannot be erased

    this is the promise

    to love on my own

    this is the promise

    to love face-to-face


    Wanna hear the rest of the poem? Better yet, want to commission me to write a poem for you? Click on the link to become a patron. For as little as $1/month you can support healing work among my communities, and the indigenous Elders that mentor me.

    https://www.patreon.com/posts/throwback-face-23322261

  • News: Schedule Update, Upcoming Show & More!

    Thank you all for your patience as I mourned and worked through grief, theft, and injury in the last month or so. In the meantime, I’ve also been doing a lot more healing work with clients / community members, and I’m part of a spiritual art show!

    This means that I will no longer have a regular schedule for my Patreon and instead will try to update whenever I can, with at least doing a post per week (2 patron-only posts and 2 public posts per month).

    As for the art show, here are the details:
    187 Proudly Presents: 13 OFFERINGS
    OPENING NIGHT
    WHEN: November 23, 2018
    WHERE: 187 Augusta Ave, Tkaronto/Toronto
    TIME: 6 – 10 pm
    FEE: PWYC / suggested $10
    A co-creative project conjured by 13 healers, lightworkers, brujas and artists. Photography, poetry, music, altars, and art. Along with 12 other healers, I will have an altar and photographs set up to express my practice and identity as an artist-healer. There will also be some presentations of my poetry and music.
    Facebook Event Page: https://www.facebook.com/events/253115705556588/

    Stay tuned, as I’ll be starting up a workshop series in December on undoing anti-Blackness and settler colonialism in Filipino/Pilipinx communities, self-accountability, and spiritual trauma work! Below are some of the titles for the spiritual mental health series (feel free to suggest more if you feel inspired):

    *The Soul Wound: Decolonizing Trauma*
    Based on works by Grace Nono, Eduardo Duran, and Renee Linklater, this workshop will explore both Western and non-Western approaches to healing trauma, or “soul wounds”/ “wounds of the spirit”. Lukayo will also be drawing upon their background in peer support, co-counseling, and somatic experiencing trauma counseling, as well as traditional healing practices of Bikol and general Filipino peoples. The goal of this workshop is to explain non-Western approaches to trauma while not discounting the available Western avenues of healing. The first hour will be a go around and check in with all participants, creating group guidelines together on healing and sharing space. The second hour will be a discussion and sharing with each other on soul/spirit wounds, where they come from and how colonization/racism/heterosexism/cisgenderism creates and perpetuates them, their effects on our lives, and Western and non-Western approaches to healing. The third hour will introduce some techniques folks can practice on their own.

    *Protect Your Spirit: The Daily Effects of Capitalism and Colonialism*
    This workshop is very similar to The Soul Wound workshop, with the first hour for check-in and guidelines, and the last hour for techniques. However, in the second hour we delve into the concept that Capitalism and Colonialism are personal and systemic demons that are haunting us. What kind of things do they whisper to us, causing pain and uneasiness? How do they force us to compromise our own values and needs? What are the ways we can build resistance to them and peace for ourselves and loved ones even as they seem to be in every aspect of our lives? The goal of this workshop is to focus on somatic, psychological, and/or spiritual techniques and sources of strength and resilience against the daily effects of Colonialism and Capitalism, while shielding ourselves with knowledge and self-forgiveness.

    *Grounding: Managing Anxious Energy*
    This workshop is very similar to The Soul Wound workshop, with the first hour for check-in and guidelines, and the last hour for techniques. However, in the second hour we delve into the concept that “anxiety” is a form of energy that gets trapped inside us, thus causing harm to our body and spirit. What are the ways this energy enters or grows inside of us? How does this energy get trapped? How do we release it without causing further harm and distress to ourselves and others? The goal of this workshop is to focus on somatic, psychological, and/or spiritual techniques and strategies of grounding and mindfulness that builds on folks’ already existing strengths and practices.

  • Indefinite Hiatus on New Posts

    Hey folks, though I’ve healed from my injury, two recent deaths last week in the QTBIPOC communities I’m a part of requires me to have time away from posting. I also took down the Musings Monday on transmisogyny in nonbinary communities I posted earlier because it still needs a lot of revisions. If you were one of the folks interested in giving me feedback, just message me and I’ll email it to you.

    I hope to be back next week or the start of November at the latest. I’m so grateful for the new patrons that have signed up recently!

    Diyos Mabalos for your patience and understanding.

  • Throwback Thursday: Being Fey #2 (2004)

    Image Description:

    The cover of the zine is a picture of a person with cat ears and tail, curly black hair, purple and black arm warmers, black jeans, striped suspenders, black sneakers, purple socks, with a tiny panda on the person’s head. The title is “being fey #2” and “VERSES / VERSUS”.

    The second picture has many beings– a curly-haired Asian person wearing fishnets and a skirt, with several spirits (a short-haired face with glasses, a partially-shaved face, a person with a tie, a person with long hair, a black cat, and a panda). They are facing away from a white person who has glasses and wearing a black vest, with a dragon spirit on their shoulders. The dragon and the panda are reaching for each other. The title of the picture is “Hex and Verd”.


    Wanna see the rest of the artwork and the full pages from this zine? Better yet, want to commission me to draw something for you? Click on the link to become a patron. For as little as $1/month you can support healing work among my communities, and the indigenous Elders that mentor me.

    https://www.patreon.com/posts/22142796

  • Throwback Thursday: Being Fey #1 (2003)

    Content Warning/Trigger Warning: questioning reality/schizophrenia mention/casual saneism

    Image Descriptions:

    The cover of the zine is an abstract art piece done in charcoal with shapes that look like claws, spirals, eyes, stitches, tails, wings, etc. The text reads “being fey Issue *1 {one}” and “an experiment in self-aggrandizement”.

    Title page of a comic done in black ink and charcoal. The main picture is a bespectacled pale-skinned figure with a goatee and short spiky dark hair sitting at a computer on top of a next of tentacle wires, with a shadowed winged reptilian silhouette looming behind them. There is a small panel close-up of the person’s eye glancing to the side over one of the lenses of their glasses. The title is “Issue #1: Steam”. The thought bubbles read: “I can feel it again, watching me… gah. Everytime I turn around, or look at it directly… it just disappears. Gone. But I KNOW it’s there.”

    Four panels. The person is leaving their apartment while the shadowy figure hovers above them, follows closely behind, and at one point is snaking a tongue into their ear. The person ends up facing a closed door, with a shot of their undercut/partially shaved head. The thought bubbles read: “Only a matter of time… before. I… fuckin’… snapped. I had to make sure I wasn’t schizo.” In a speech bubble, the person is saying: “Brad! Open up! I need to talk to you. There’s this thing that keeps fol–“

    Two panels. In the first panel, the tall bespectacled person in a black trenchcoat is staring down a second, smaller person with long pale/white hair, pale skin, bare foot and in a frilly dress. They are having a conversation on the second person’s doorstep. The conversation is as follows:

    • “Yes?”
    • “!!!”
    • “Can I help you?”
    • “Uh, I musta gotten the wrong house…”
    • “Are you looking for Bradley?”
    • “Yeah, are you his little sister or something?”
    • “No silly…”

    The last panel is a close-up of the second person’s face as they say: “I AM Brad.”

    Below the panel is the words “To be continued…”


    Wanna see the rest of the artwork and the full pages from this zine? Better yet, want to commission me to draw something for you? Click on the link to become a patron. For as little as $1/month you can support healing work among my communities, and the indigenous Elders that mentor me.

    https://www.patreon.com/posts/22142123

  • Workshop Wednesday: Pillars of White Supremacy

    Like the Dis/Ableism 101 visual tool, the Pillars of White Supremacy is an anti-racism 101 visual tool for sighted folks that goes well with the Oppression Triangle tool. The purpose of this poster/handout is to introduce folks to the different forms of racism in North American society, and it is based on the work of Andrea Smith and Harsha Walia. It’s extremely helpful for when different racialized people work together in coalition-building, as it delineates the specific ways we’re differently impacted by white supremacy, but can also support how we can organize together and work on our own internalized racism. Check out my article “More Than Minorities” on working with Indigenous folks and/or Black folks as a person of colour that is not oppressed by Anti-Blackness and/or Settler Colonialism. Please also check out the original article by Andrea Smith called “Heteropatriarchy and the Three Pillars of White Supremacy: Rethinking Women of Color Organizing“. If you can, pick up Harsha Walia’s book on Undoing Border Imperialism, though here’s an article with an interview and description of some of the concepts.

    Activity Ideas

    • Divide the group into the following categories of interest: accomplices/allies, direct action, policy, and programming. These categories are fluid– if there is no one interested in policy, for example, then that doesn’t have to be a group. If a group is interested in something not listed, like, for example, transformative justice or healing justice, then they can create a group for that. These are all types of anti-oppression/liberation strategies, which will be explained further in future posts.
    • Ask each group to choose one of the forms of racism to work with and narrow it down to one of the levels of oppression, if possible. They can also choose an example of oppression that is part of several forms of oppression, such as how police/border agent brutality and profiling impacts Indigenous folks, Black folks, migrants, and people of colour visibly coded as “Muslim” (even if they are Hindu, Sikh, etc.).
    • Each group can come up with a way to use their anti-oppression/liberation strategy with the example of a racist oppression they chose. For example, the direct action group can explain or act out how they could stage a protest at an immigration detention centre. Another example could be the accomplices/allies group creating a poster that explains other costumes to use instead of racist ones. A final example could be a non-profit organization writing an anti-racism policy that explicitly ensures that a certain percentage of their budget is used for anti-racism training and the benefit of racialized folks within and being served by their organization, with a communications plan that makes these policies transparent to the public.
    • Have the groups present to each other and debrief about the process of anti-oppressive collective planning. Did they ensure that racialized folks in the groups lead? Did they ensure that consultation and leadership of racialized folks was at the forefront of any of their strategies, even if there were no racialized folks in their group?

    Poster Description

    The poster is white with mostly dark grey font. At the top of the poster is written “lukayo.compatreon.com/lukayo“. The title of the poster is “PILLARS OF WHITE SUPREMACY: A.K.A. how racism works in the West”. The poster is credited as “BASED ON THE WORK OF ANDREA SMITH & HARSHA WALIA”. After the title, there are five columns and six rows.

    The first row in the first column has the words: “Academic Term”.  The second row in the first column reads: “Target”. The third row in the first column reads: “The oppressive “logic” used to justify violence, exclusion, exploitation, and negative messaging”. The fourth row in the first column reads: “Example(s) of Institutional Level of Oppression”. The fifth row in the first column reads: “Example(s) of Cultural Level of Oppression”. The sixth and final row in the first column reads: “Example(s) of Individual Level of Oppression”.

    The second column is headed by the term “Settler Colonialism”. The target is “Indigenous/Native Peoples”. The logic is “Genocide and forced assimilation of a people to steal their land to make wealth for Whites”. The institutional example is “The “Indian” Act in Canada and other similar legislation.” The cultural example is “ Cultural stereotypes turned into home-made costumes”. The individual example is “The word “savage” used as slang”.

    The third column is headed by the term “Anti-Blackness”. The target is “Black Peoples”. The logic is “Forcing with threat of death people to become property or slave labour to make wealth for Whites”. The institutional example is “Police brutality and profiling.” The cultural example is “Appropriation of language and art forms”. The individual example is “ The N-word slur”.

    The fourth column is headed by the term “Orientalism”. The target is “People of Colour considered of the “East” / “Orient””. The logic is “Making war to generate more wealth for Whites through military business and taking resources”. The institutional examples are “Canadian security certificates; Japanese internment camps.” The cultural example is “Stereotype profiling of bearded brown men as “terrorists””. The individual example is “”Yellow” fever and Asian fetishization”.

    The fifth column is headed by the term “Border Imperialism”. The target is “Migrants or undocumented peoples”. The logic is “Making borders around stolen land to force people into slave labour and/or make war on them to generate wealth for Whites”. The institutional example is “Indefinite and inhumane immigration detention.” The cultural example is “Framing people as inherently “illegal””. The individual example is “Mocking non-white accents”.


    Want to have access to the larger full colour updated 2018 poster, the original photograph of the hand-drawn 2016 poster, and other anti-oppression related teaching tools? Click on the link below and subscribe for as little as $3/month. By becoming a patron, you support healing work among my communities, and the indigenous Elders that mentor me.

    https://www.patreon.com/posts/22120020

  • Musings Monday: More Than Minorities

    (5 Tips on Building Alliances with Indigenous Folks and/or Black Folks as a Person of Colour)

    Content Warning: anti-Black racism, settler colonialism

    .

    .

    .

    When I was a younger trans and queer person of colour (PoC), I remember the first time I was welcomed into a PoC-only space, and how ecstatic I was, that we finally got to let our guard down and relax, not having to worry about being talked down to, talked over, assumed to be aggressive and/or “child”-like if I was expressing emotions, fetishized, interrogated about my origins, compared to other folks of my race, used as an exception or standard of folks of my race, and other such micro-aggressions. But as I attended more events, and built closer relationships, it became clear that there were other dynamics at play, that there were still hierarchies based on skin tone and/or moves to innocence that ignored the importance of treaties and the thieving privilege of citizenship. We didn’t really know how to have each other’s backs half the time.

    Simply put, there were a lot of anti-Blackness and settler colonial nonsense among my fellow folks of colour (including myself), and when we were called out, we claimed an inability to be racist because of a lack of physical Whiteness, forgetting that the ideology of Whiteness and white supremacy can be internalized by virtue of being raised in anti-Black and settler colonial spaces. Racial discrimination and internalized racism is a real and serious issue among folks of colour, and to forget it is to jeopardize and oppress our accomplices and community members.

    So this article is a litany of my mistakes and the mistakes I’ve seen in others, that harmed folks, that hurt collectives, that stalled movements of anti-racist action and alliance. I mean, I may also probably mess up in the course of this article, in which case, please feel free to correct me and definitely I will offer reparations if the correction involves the labour of Indigenous and/or Black folks. Lastly, this article is an attempt at giving some fairly basic tips to other people of colour that are non-Black and also settlers/non-Indigenous. We’re not all in the same boat, but we’re still in this together.

    Here are the five tips altogether:

    • Work on your own stuff.
    • Work with your communities to co-organize workshops on undoing Anti-Blackness and Settler Colonialism.
    • Support Black-only spaces, Indigenous-only spaces, and Black and Indigenous-only spaces.
    • Centre Black and Indigenous leadership in people of colour spaces.
    • Reparations.

    Read the rest of the article here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/22115167

  • Workshop Wednesday: Dis/Ableism

    This is a basic Dis/Ableism 101 visual tool for sighted folks that goes well with the Oppression Triangle tool. The purpose of this poster/handout is to introduce folks to the basic models of how dis/ableism works in North American society, and is based on the work of Mia Mingus and A.J. Withers. For a more in-depth look at the models discussed, please check out A.J. Withers’ book and website on Disability Politics. For an intersectional and deeper look at these models, especially in regards to desirability, the prison industrial complex, and the medical industrial complex, please check out Mia Mingus’s Medical Industrial Complex Visual.

    Activity Idea

    • Divide the group into the following categories of interest: accomplices/allies, direct action, policy, and programming. These categories are fluid– if there is no one interested in policy, for example, then that doesn’t have to be a group. If a group is interested in something not listed, like, for example, transformative justice or healing justice, then they can create a group for that. These are all types of anti-oppression/liberation strategies, which will be explained further in future posts.
    • Ask each group to choose one of the dis/ableism models to work with and narrow it down to one of the levels of oppression, if possible. They can also choose an example of oppression that is under multiple models, such as certain nursing/group homes can be considered both under the charity model and the security model.
    • Each group can come up with a way to use their anti-oppression/liberation strategy with the example of dis/ableist oppression they chose. For example, the direct action group can explain or act out how they could stage a protest at a pharmaceutical company that is lobbying doctors or at a group home that forces medicalization. Another example could be the accomplices/allies group creating a poster that explains other words to use instead of dis/ableist slurs. A final example could be a non-profit organization that is also a registered charity writing a disability justice policy that explicitly ensures that a certain percentage of their budget is used for accessibility and the benefit of disabled people, with a communications plan that makes these policies transparent to the public.
    • Have the groups present to each other and debrief about the process of anti-oppressive collective planning. Did they ensure that any disabled folks in the groups lead? Did they ensure that consultation and leadership of disabled folks was at the forefront of any of their strategies, even if there were no disabled folks in their group?

    Poster Description

    The poster is pale blue with mostly dark grey font. At the top of the poster is written “lukayo.compatreon.com/lukayo“. The title of the poster is “DIS/ABLEISM: A.K.A. how modern day capitalism considers people disposable and only as valuable as what they produce”. The poster is credited as “BASED ON THE WORK OF MIA MINGUS AND A.J. WITHERS”. After the title, there are five columns and five rows.

    The first row in the first column has the words: “MODEL”. The second row in the first column reads: “The oppressive “logic” used to justify violence, exclusion, exploitation, and negative messaging”. The third row in the first column reads: “Example(s) of Institutional Level of Oppression”. The fourth row in the first column reads: “Example(s) of Cultural Level of Oppression”. The fifth and final row in the first column reads: “Example(s) of Individual Level of Oppression”.

    The second column is headed by the term “Eugenics”. The logic is “Ensuring “deviant” people never exist or erasing/destroying their lives”. The institutional examples are “Genetic manipulation; forced sterilization.” The cultural examples are “Suicidality and physical / sexual assault towards disabled people”. The individual examples are “Only seen as inspiration or tragedy; slurs: lame, retard, dumb, cripple, derp, moron, stupid, idiot, spaz, barren, etc.”.

    The third column is headed by the term “Medical”. The logic is “Fixing people who are “broken””. The institutional example is “Big Pharma companies paying off doctors”. The cultural example is “Over-reliance on pills to solve problems”. The individual examples are “Lack of support if you don’t get “fixed” the “normal way”; using OCD or other diagnoses as out-of-context adjectives”.

    The fourth column is headed by the term “Security”. The logic is “Controlling people who are “dangerous””. The institutional examples are “Forced medicalization; group/nursing homes”. The cultural example is “Psychiatric survivors not seen as “trustworthy””. The individual examples are “Being refused agency; slurs: wacko, psycho(path), lunatic, loony, schizo, crazy, nuts, insane, etc.”.

    The fifth column is headed by the term “Charity”. The logic is “Caretaking people who are “incompetent” like they are property”. The institutional example is “Majority of charity money goes to the non-disabled”. The cultural example is “Extreme dichotomy of helpless / codependent versus strong / independent”. The individual examples are “Being treated like a child; terms like feeble-minded, special needs, being called an invalid, etc.”.


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  • Musings Monday: I Am Not A Burden

    Content Warning: ableism, ED, chronic illness, mental illness

    Image Description: Black background with stylized yellow stars. In a greyish-white thought bubble are the words “I Am Not A Burden” in yellow. Beside the thought bubble in yellow text is the following: “5 TIPS AGAINST INTERNALIZED ABLEISM”. Below that in white text is “patreon.com/lukayo” and “lukayo.com”.

    When I first started to come to terms with how disabled I’d gotten, I was furious and then despairing. I had always been somewhat sickly– an asthmatic child that tired easily, and due to my large frame, spent years with an eating disorder that was undiagnosed despite the radical shifts in weight. The reality that I would have more to manage mentally, emotionally, and physically in unpredictable and drastic ways was daunting and left me with fatalistic ideation that I would soon come to recognize as “internalized ableism”. Over the years, I’ve reached out to other disabled folks asking them what they’ve done to stop their own attitudes and thoughts that just made things worse, and this is what I’ve learned.

    1) Educating yourself.

    I read everything I could by Eddie Ndopu, Patty Berne, Sins Invalid, Mia Mingus, Leah Lakshmi-Piepzna Samarasinha, AJ Withers, and Eli Clare. I also read the following articles on internalized ableism:

    Understanding that there’s a system at work, and it isn’t just about me, began the process of unlearning self-hatred, but it was usually an intellectual change, and my emotional gut reactions were still there.

    2) Reminding yourself.

    Since my emotions tended to erase a lot of theory that I’d read, I tended to put up reminders, either through a side tumblr filled with disability activist quotes, and print-outs I’d put up on my wall so I could see it when I woke up. I’d even try to post these reminder lists on my desktop. These are the ones I particularly like:

    If you want to make your on side tumblr and you’ve never done anything like that before, just pick a cute name (I chose the Bikol word for recovery), and then in the search bar type in search words, whether it’s “chronic illness”, or “disability justice”, or “disability rights”. You can even type in your diagnosis for specific kinds of affirmations and quotes on it. You may come across other tumblrs that also only re-blog quotes, theory, and affirmations, as well as hilarious and soothing memes. You can follow them and begin the process of accessing these kinds of reminders. You can also set it up so that when your browser opens, it immediately opens up to your side tumblr page.

    3) Reaching out.

    Here we get to some scary stuff, in my personal opinion. I found it easy looking for resources to read and use to remind myself. But actually reaching out to real, live people? Yikes. I did it anyway. I needed help. I went to free disability-focused conferences, like the Reclaiming Our Bodies & Minds Conference at Ryerson University. If I went to festivals and conferences that weren’t only about disability, I prioritized attending any workshops and sessions that were on disability– whether the events were about sexuality, gender, spirituality, or general activism. I prioritized spending time with my disabled friends and temporarily able-bodied folks who had high access intimacy with me. I made request posts looking to start a personal care collective.

    4) Sharing your story.

    This article is basically an illustration of tip #4. So were all the Facebook posts that honestly talked about my needs and barriers. So were all the filtered Facebook posts and secret side tumblr posts where I just broke down and word-vomited all my pain and frustration at what seems like an ever-increasing mountain of disability and ableism. I also shared with people over the phone, on private messenger, over text, in person in private rooms, classrooms, and public workshops. I shared, consensually, with family members, friends, strangers, and professional care workers. I wrote stories and poetry; I made art and music. I prayed and shared with Creator, my ancestors, gods, and spirits. I laid out all the internalized terrible nonsense inside of me, dragging it out so that the poison could be seen instead of left festering in my heart and soul.

    5) Accepting support.

    Of course, once I reached out and I shared, then came the offers of support. I thought I had done all the hard work already, but I was horrified when folks offered support, and horrified that I felt horror in the first place. Some of my concerns was legitimate– I was used to the folks who were already providing me care and I trusted them. I would have to go out on a limb and attempt to rely on people that I did not know very well and thus had not earned much of my trust. Sometimes I would not have the energy to face a new person in my personal space providing me care, and I would just go without the things that I needed, worrying as to whether I had let my internalized ableism win or whether I was rightfully cautious yet paying a price that was beyond my control. Either option was shitty. But when I did have the energy to take that risk, the joy and relief at having a new care collective member and/or friend that embodied the kind of world where interdependence and community care is the norm was overwhelming that I found myself weeping and/or laughing once they had left. I found myself overcome with hope and, after every time, the barrage of internalized ableist thoughts would quiet further and further. It’s a start.

    I hope these tips help you, especially if you’re beginning your journey of strategizing against your internalized ableism as a disabled person, just like me several years ago. Feel free to comment on this article or message me about it!


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