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  • Update: The Return & Spirit Clown

    In short, I’ve spent 2024 focused on receiving healing while updating my vision of what I’d like to offer/share, and undoing the blocks I have on being donated to directly for my work and my fear of putting myself out there.

    So, what are the changes, besides me having more capacity and centered in my purpose?

    1. The Patreon is still up to support my Elders and teachers, but I’ve taken down tiered rewards as I don’t have the capacity to keep up with it. All patrons should have access to all the content from 2018-2023. I will be updating the Patreon with weekly reflections in 2025.
    2. I’ve added a page on Spirit Clown, the play/work I want to share from now on, complete with a Registration Form.
    3. I’ve added a Donate page specifically for compensating me for my work based on a gift economy model.
    4. Lastly, there’s a Newsletter Sign Up Form for folks who wants weekly or monthly updates.

    Thank you so much for everyone who’s stuck it with me, and for all the support you’ve given to me and my communities!

  • Bodywork RPGs

    What’s bodywork?

    When I talk about “bodywork”, I’m not necessarily talking about it as a form of alternative medicine or therapeutic practice, though it can be that for many people (and definitely I’m influenced in that direction due to my training in somatic experience). However, I’m talking about bodywork as a form of nondual animism that rejects the mind-body split and also as a series of personal development techniques to bring your awareness deeper into your body.

    Half the time, we’re going to be working on something called “interoception”, a fancy English/Western term for being able to feel and describe what’s going on inside your body. This “sense” helps you figure out the range of pain and pleasure, different temperatures, itchiness, ticklishness, nervous system reactions, and digestive experiences.

    The other half of the time, we’re simply going to be working with the body by applying body-based practices that we want to encourage more in our life, whether that’s more stretching, or hydration, or deep breathing when we’re anxious.

    I think what I’ve added beyond traditional bodywork is also connecting the body to the land around you, which is similar to the bland concepts  of “cultural ecosystem services”, and is more closely aligned to the radical queer position of “ecosexuality”. Though in many nature-based cultures, this is just the regular way of relating to the interconnected web of non-human beings.

    What’s a roleplaying game (RPG)?

    When I talk about roleplaying games, I’m talking about creating fictional settings and building character roles. The players then act out or narrate what these characters are doing in their fictional settings. This is the main “roleplay” aspect, when you can act or describe a being other than yourself. The “game” part of it is usually played out through a system of rules built on chance, most often the roll of dice. In a lot of games, people want to feel the thrill of winning and the threat of losing, without the high stakes of our “real lives”. This usually means that there’s a mechanic built to simulate those feelings in a “low stakes” environment.

    The story aspect of RPGs is all about creations and imagination. You’re channelling some kind of inspiration or vision that you then articulate into this world. Even if it’s influenced by other fantasy or fictional works, you’re adding something to the world, adding more wonder and adventure. You build connections and learn something new.

    The acting part of RPGs allows you to shapeshift, to learn more about yourself by becoming not-yourself, or usually, your hidden-selves, your forgotten-selves, your rejected-selves. These characters return home to you when you embody them. Something is released and processed.

    Lastly, when we play with luck in RPGs, we’re actually testing ourselves on equanimity– how we can experience joy and grief, triumph and loss, without losing ourselves in the process. It’s practice for what we actually have to navigate in our day-to-day lives.

    So what’s a bodywork RPG?

    The idea is to build stories and games about your body so you can connect deeper into your body and the land around you. Of course we’ll learn some standard interoception grounding techniques to help us feel into our body and find inspiration for our stories, but there will also be a lot of world-building, character creation, and games of chance.

    For example, in HAWAK, each player will create their own world map, a fictional and probably fantastical setting, based on the shape of their body. Perhaps your mouth becomes the Lake of Whirling Winds, and your armpit hair the Sweltering Swamp. Is your navel the Forbidden Well and your ankles the Fragile Hills?

    Next, you create characters– Spirit Champions, in fact, each representing body-based practices you want more of in your life. These characters require a Summoning Circle to enter the game, which always involves doing the practice and then tapping on living human and non-human supports. So, Aquathallia the Naiad’s Summoning Circle involves drinking at least eight ounces of water while sitting beside one living human (other than the player) and a body of water. If a body of water isn’t nearby, a tub or aquarium will do.

    You further grow the story by “embracing Mystery”, where mysterious happenings in your own body are translated into your fantastical setting. Your stiff ankles become “the mysterious statues that appear in the Fragile Hills”. Your low tolerance to heat becomes “the mysterious second sun, the Ruby Titan, that brings about the burning cataclysms”. Your snoring and sleep apnea becomes “the mysterious Wailing Hunt that withers crops in moonlight”. These Mysteries help to grow our curiosity in regards to what happens in our bodies, beyond the duality of “this is good” or “this is bad”.

    Lastly, the game mechanic of the Payaso (Clown) Rolls helps to come to terms with the triumph or loss that embracing mystery brings. This is determined by six-sided dice (d6) and twenty-sided dice (d20), which are then added or subtracted, to come up with a number that represents how your luck has played out. Each Mystery has a level of intensity that is represented by a number from 1-20. That number can be chosen or rolled through a d20. Each Summoning Circle has Buhay (Life Force) represented by at least 1d6, but more are added based on how many beings (human and non-human) are part of the Circle. For example, the Mystery of the Ruby Titan has an intensity level of 15. Aquathallia the Naiad’s Summoning Circle has 3d6 (one d6 for Aquathallia herself, one d6 for the living human in the circle, and a third d6 for the body of water). There’s a chance that rolling 3d6 will meet or beat the level 15 of the Ruby Titan, but unless the player summons other Spirit Champions, this will not be enough dice to even the odds.

    But we then return to the story– whether Aquathallia brings 7 or 18 Buhay (Life Force) towards the Level 15 Ruby Titan, how does that play out? Does rolling a 7 mean that Aquathallia becomes transformed into a flame spirit, until Sirena of the Sea or Salty Santiago can be summoned to assist? Does rolling an 18 mean that Aquathallia douses the second sun but the world has now become flooded (to represent drinking too much without replenishing electrolytes)? The Payaso (Clown) Rolls bring about unexpected change that should be used to explore the story and characters deeper.

    Interested in learning more about bodywork RPGs? Do you want to test out HAWAK with me for the first time? Come out to my free mini-retreat on the weekend of July 29 & 30, 2023.

    Early registration is from now until July 14th: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSd8mVYq21AdazLFyDzZ_S9XaKEdSBLkpG4kDBFpE5YsoW1APQ/viewform

  • [Update] hawak: a bodywork rpg retreat – July 29 & 30 2023

    May be an image of text that says 'HAWAK a bodywork rpg retreat LUKAYO.COM'

    Image description: Against a dark green background, there is a variety of bodies and skin tones intertwined with plant life and glittering stars.

     

    Hawak means “a torso” or “the stalk of a plant” in Bikol, and “to hold in one’s hand” in Tagalog. As the title of the game, hawak implies our body’s physical connection to the land, and the power we hold to enact change.

    This is a free weekend mini-retreat that takes place at Biblioterre (169 Chem. Parent, Alcove, QC J0X 1A0) on Saturday July 29 and/or Sunday July 30. The goal of the retreat is to offer a space/time where people can lovingly connect with their bodies and the land through creative play — specifically by testing out a “game” called HAWAK created by Lukayo Bito’on (there may be opportunities to try other games and to play mini-games). We will be centering and prioritizing Filipinx peoples and experiences, but this gathering is open to all.

    Maximum participants: 20
    (All minors need to be accompanied by an adult.)

    Registration deadline is Friday, July 14th, 2023 but I will be accepting late registration until the day before the retreat. Late registration means we cannot guarantee assistance with transportation, accommodations, food, and other access needs.

    The retreat would start with a collaborative opening ceremony that discusses indigenous stewardship, the land, and the stewardship of our bodies. I would also share some cultural pieces from my own ancestry and teachers. Participants would then introduce themselves to each other using games, and that would lead into a larger game where we arrange the schedule of the day together by organizing the main pieces of the agenda into the time left that we have at the retreat. The agenda pieces would include bodywork practices, creative/creation rituals, and playing games. We follow this agenda we’ve co-created, and then have a collaborative closing ceremony.

    Click this link for more information and to register.

  • [PATREON] Update on Patronage Recipients

    Hello lovely Patrons!
    It’s been 2.5 years since the last update, and I appreciate your patience with me as I focused on my health and continued to send your money monthly to the patronage recipients. Here’s some of what your donations were used for by elders, teachers, and healers.
    Nanay Myrna Pula of the T’Boli people (in Southern Philippines) has
    • trained tour guides
    • done ceremonies for her people at Lake Sebu
    • given lectures on T’Boli culture
    • continued building a heritage house and school for elders to teach from
    Image Description: Nanay Myrna doing a ritual with other T’boli people.
    Image Description: Nanay Myrna has part a training for tour guides.
     
    Uncle Noah B. Heart (Efren Estrella Junior) has
    • supported a feeding program in Bataan
    • supported a feeding program in Balatan, Camarines Sur
    • led many prayer and healing circles
    Image Description: A sign with a picture of my Uncle Noah supporting a feeding program, near boxes and bags of food.
     

    A community of elders, teachers, and artists among the Manobo and other indigenous peoples in Kidapawan City, Mindanao, of Southern Philippines has been working to build a healing centre so that more healers can reach community members who cannot access government-funded or privatized healthcare. They’re also working on a training program to teach themselves film making so they can create their own documentaries and take back their narrative as indigenous peoples.

    Here’s an example of a video of some of the people who are taking the training and doing the work.


    Video Description: A short documentary video on a specific type of insect that the Manobo people eat. One of the people narrating is Melchor Umpan Bayawan. The language is in Tagalog.

  • Update: Tentative Return in July 2023

    Though my healing and recovery journey is still at the forefront, I’ve reached enough capacity to tentatively return to maintaining this website, taking on creative and artistic work, and continuing the fundraising campaign on Patreon for my indigenous and Filipino teachers. I will also be introducing new projects, such as my creative and spiritual partnership with Felix Policarpio in the Dupil Collective, my solo workshops on Animist Language Arts, and facilitating Bodywork RPG Retreats.

    I’ll be updating the website in the next week or so with all the new information, including revamping the Patreon, adding a Calendly link to book me for sessions/meetings/performances/workshops, and how to register for upcoming events/workshops.

    Thank you to all who continue to support me, my wellbeing, and my visions! Gugurang Mabalos.

  • Update: On Hiatus During 2022

    For the year 2022, I will be taking a break from making new content or committing to new projects while I focus on my healing and recovery. What this means is that projects I’ve already discussed with folks in 2021 I may still continue to work on, however, any new asks for this year I will need to take a pause. Please enjoy the archived content that can be found on this website, and I appreciate everyone who has shown me so much caring and support throughout all the years I began this journey of sharing and connection.

  • [Poem] From Tinder to Flame

    From Tinder To Flame
    Chapter 1 of Uriel’s Prophecies

    I meet Uriel in a park across the street
    From a local cafe in Little Italy,
    Their mask bright and glittering with fractal
    Holographic flames, covering half their face
    Short thick curls of their beard peeping
    Out in the gaps of the string looped
    Around ears pierced — the left stretched out
    While the right dangle-flashes a sun disc.
    The dark skin of their brows shimmers with
    Citrine body glitter and watchful jet eyes
    Are limned in russet-gold eyeliner,
    Staring out from underneath a black beanie
    Patched with an image of a yellow sword.
    Perched on a picnic table, scuffed boots
    With spikes, olive jeans ripped at the knees,
    Wrapped in a long leather jacket lined
    In sorrel faux fur.
    They’re looking down, at their phone,
    As I approach, thumb gliding across
    Letters as they text verses in a
    Notepad app, rocking their head to
    A beat only they can hear.

    “Are you an angel–?” I begin
    And they snort-giggle, eyes rolling,
    Still scribble-typing while they answer.
    “Cheesy pick up line. Just cuz we met
    On a dating app doesn’t mean you have
    To go all out. You know, attraction
    To anything, desire itself, is a force
    A movement towards completion.
    Some people think completion is fucking
    But sometimes it’s like Voltron, y’know,
    You need that other robot to make the
    Bigger robot that’ll save the world.”

    I didn’t know, but I wanted to,
    As I swung up beside them,
    Hips touching, we huddled together
    Against the temperamental wind
    Knifing across so-called Ottawa.

    “Whatcha writing about?”

    “The world is ending, always,”
    Uriel announces. “Even as it’s
    Always beginning. We shape it,
    Creations and Prophecies.
    We’re in a plague, y’know,
    And alliances and lines
    Are being drawn, but even the
    Simplest things like from a
    Super market are tainted
    By stuff we can’t even see.
    Do we take on those sins
    Of corporations and sweatshops
    Of government exploitation
    And paramilitary murders
    And the displacement of the
    Stewards of the lands
    And the endless scarring marring
    Pollution of the earth mother
    Every time we buy something?
    Feed into the hungry
    Spider demon that is
    Global capitalism, a squatting
    Ever-hungry wraith hording
    Profits and resources
    In their belly? Ever-shifting
    To keep from being destroyed
    Planting dreams of
    Hierarchy-supremacies
    And Individual-Only Truths.”

    My gloved fingers flex
    In my pockets, as I study
    The crooked grass beneath
    The picnic bench, the
    Sounds of traffic and excitable
    Doggos flooding the silence
    Of Uriel’s tirade.

    “So… um, are you looking for a
    Hookup then, or a partner…?”
    I ask tentatively.
    “Because your profile wasn’t clear…”

    They swing those onyx-bright eyes
    At me, intent. “I’m looking for a prophet.
    Someone to sing ancient warnings
    With, and dance of a future
    Where we are all reconnected again
    Through the gates of the spirit worlds,
    Communally healing the soul wounds
    Of humanity, of this planet. You in?”

    I take their hand firmly with both of mine
    As an answer, and our bodies sway
    In the space between words.

    When we disentangle, it is with
    Awkward muffled mumblings
    And sanitizer rubbed all over
    Fingers and palms and knuckles.
    But the promise of reunion
    Was laid out in the skipping
    Steps on cracked pavement
    That lead us each home.

    Want to have access to more poems earlier or some that have never been released? Become a patron on Patreon for as little as $1/month to support my Elders and healing work among my communities.

  • [PATREON] Update on Patronage Recipients

    Hello lovely Patrons!

    2020 has been a rough year for many people, which is why your generous monthly patronage has been so appreciated during these times. Here’s an update as to what your donations were used for by my elders and teachers.

    Nanay Myrna Pula of the T’Boli people (in Southern Philippines) has

    • been able to support dream weavers
    • facilitated the passing down of cultural knowledge to the youth, either directly or through connecting them to teachers, like kudyapi musicians
    • been part of meetings on women and combating injustice
    • been part of meetings on indigenous rights for the use of indigenous medicines

    Image Description: A group of representatives from different indigenous tribes in the Philippines, standing gathered around tables, in regalia, holding up documents/certificates.

    Image description: Nanay Myrna Pula teaching a group of youth from her tribe, while they wear their regalia.

    Uncle Noah B. Heart (Efren Estrella Junior) has been integral in the Manila Bay Feeding Program during the pandemic outbreaks in the Philippines, of which he got an award. He is also beginning work on a feeding program for vendors in Quiapo Market.

    Image Description: A group of volunteers with my Uncle Noah in front of bags of items collected for the Manila Bay Feeding Program.

    Image Description: My Uncle Noah wearing a medal and holding the award for “Hero of the Year”, a specific award to folks who did work for the people during the outset of the COVID-19 outbreaks.

    A community of elders and teachers among the Manobo and other indigenous peoples in Mindanao of Southern Philippines (who have been displaced by earthquakes, the pandemic, and other circumstances) are working together to build gardens, community kitchens, town halls, and shelters for numerous families. They have also been receiving emergency rice and foodstuffs from donations.

    Image Description: A sign, with some of the words reading “Food support and Aid Response to Pandemic Crisis” and “Because we care”. There are plastic bags filled with food, and people picking them up.

    Image Description: The plot of land and shelter built on the land, at the start of building some of the gardens and other structures.

  • [PATREON EXCERPT] When The Earth Blinks: January 2021

    “When the Earth Blinks” is a series of horoscope-inspired musings on how different Rising and Sun signs can be affected by current transits. The phrase is based on my celestial spiritworker Bikol diasporic understanding of Hellenistic Astrology, specifically that Daga’s (the Earth spirit’s) siblings Aldao (Sun spirit), Bulan (Moon spirit), and Bitoon (Star spirit) give messages to Daga’s children (us humans), and the astrological birth chart is the reflection of that message in Daga’s eye. These articles usually begin with some general thoughts on the transits, and then zero in on each Daga elemental/zodiac sign. It’s important to read the one that is your Rising sign (that is determined by the time of your birth) but you can also use your Sun sign (that is determined by the date of your birth). Feel free to message or email me if you need help determining what are your “signs”, i.e. messages from the celestial spirits.

    Sun in Capricorn (Jan 1-19) and Aquarius (Jan 20-31): The Sun Spirit Stands at the Peak and Launches Into the Sky

    In the Bikol/Bisayan Creation story, Aldao (the Sun Spirit) teaches Daga (the Earth Spirit) the lesson that can be learned from each of Daga’s experiences. According to my own interpretation of the story, the Earth Spirit was first shattered into twelve main pieces or elementals, what we understand as the zodiac, before shattering further and becoming the islands and continents that are on the surface of the waters. The part of Daga that is the Mountain (Capricorn) and the Sky (Aquarius) is strong during this time of the year, and the Sun Spirit illuminates those lessons of responsibility in our public roles, and also the integrity to be true to our radical (or rebellious) principles despite public pressure.

    New Moon in Capricorn (Jan 13): The Moon Spirit Grows on the Mountain

    There have been multiple books published on using the new moon to set intentions for the next 3-4 weeks of your life, and though I may not be able to trace the lineage of how that practice became popular among certain circles of current North American culture, I trace my own practice to rediscovering that ancient Tagalogs (and possibly also Bikol and Bisayan people) said prayers during the dark of the moon and/or the new moon asking Buwan/Bulan/the Moon Spirit for prosperity. During this upcoming new moon, the Daga elemental of the Mountain, or Capricorn, will be the strongest, signifying a general time where you can give offerings to the Moon Spirit around your ambitions, goals, career, and responsibilities. What is the summit you hope to reach this month? What are stages in your climb to reach to the top?

    Venus in Capricorn (Jan 9-31): The Star Spirit Finds Love on the Summit

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    Mars in Taurus (Jan 7-31): The Star Spirit Protects the Soil

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    Full Moon in Leo (Jan 28): The Moon Spirit Gives Through Sacred Fire

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    READINGS FOR EACH DAGA ELEMENTAL OR SIGN

    Mountain (Capricorn Rising and/or Sun)

    The next goal in your climb, especially during this new moon, can be about understanding and loving yourself and your own transformative power grown in a world where the power structures are being broken down and renewed. This lays the groundwork for later in the month, where you can consider building frameworks on expanding your stability in innovative ways, fuelled by a passion for creativity and play. In these times of radical uncertainty, you will have to redefine the boundaries of what stability means to you even as you try to explore and establish them. The full moon gives you an opportunity to reflect on how to bring your own personal transformations to its peak.

    Sky (Aquarius Rising and/or Sun)

    The beginning of the month will feel like the darkness right before dawn, a time to recharge and find harmony in looking inward or to the spirits. As the Sun moves into your first house or passes closer to your birthday, not only is it a time to focus on your sense of self, but to be disciplined about how you want to expand that self instead of becoming afraid or arrogant of who you are and what you can become. The sky’s the limit but you must also learn to keep from suddenly falling. This is also because unexpected challenges from your home life during this time can be channeled into passion about how you relate to and build family. You can take the time during the full moon to reflect on how your close relationships are supporting and building you up right now, and how they too can feel like flying away from or coming home.

    Ocean (Pisces Rising and/or Sun)

    Your friendships (whether making new ones or maintaining existing ones) seem to be the most pressing priority floating in your life right now, and there may be a wave of erratic energy as you strive to socialize and communicate with friends as much as possible, especially if you set the intention during the new moon to sail into every friend’s online port and DMs. Be careful not to burn out on phone calls and Zoom hangouts, for later in the month you will need to move inwards, towards rest or spirituality. There will be many opportunities to explore your inner depths, which need to be tempered with a regular, structured practice– for example, a daily meditation at a set time for a set duration. The full moon can be a time of reflection to what skills you want to learn during this alone time, or new hobbies you want to try out.

    Wildfire (Aries Rising and/or Sun)

    You might need to set intentions during the new moon on your career or public role before you are caught up in fiery community conflict and power struggles or work place drama. If you focus on being responsible early on, then later in the month you can relax into the warm glow of being with friends and hanging out in your social circles. Be careful to remember to set up appropriate boundaries in public spaces and social networks so you don’t get burned, as this is a time where you will feel a passionate surge into building more stability in these troubling times, whether it’s financial, emotional, or otherwise. This full moon may be a time to reflect on how you can bring more pleasure and joy into your life even in the midst of all your duties and connections.

    Soil (Taurus Rising and/or Sun)

    Perhaps it’s cold where you are, but that hasn’t stopped your roots and vines from exploring and stretching beyond your regular comfort zones, even if just a bit here or there in taking a new class, trying to relate to other people differently, or seeking your own transformation — a seed you can plant for your new moon intention. Later in the month, whatever you’ve learned can be used for your career or public role, both in organizing the situation to your benefit as well as growing it into new forms. You may have so much energy at this time, germinating and sprouting the core of you, striving towards light, even in the most unexpected of places. The full moon may suddenly remind you about what it means to go against what your family or ancestors may have wanted for you, but it can also be a time of fruition in regards to the balance of your public and home life.

    Whirlwind (Gemini Rising and/or Sun)

    Brooding intensity can be spinning around you, as you contemplate what it may mean to die during this time, to merge with another completely, to grasp the depth of what your sexual orientation (or lack thereof) means for you. Whatever inward conclusions you may come to or metamorphic intentions you’ve set during the new moon, the winds will shift later in the month as you begin to journey and explore, even if it’s only through your I-have-a-thousand-browser-tabs-open readings, defining and setting boundaries for your shapeshifting while adding more forms to your repertoire. You may be buffeted by the spirit world, or your own fierce and radical visions of what these troubled times could mean. You can let the full moon be the opportunity to share what you’ve found out about yourself and the world at large.

    Tides (Cancer Rising and/or Sun)

    You may find yourself struggling with the rising waters of your relationships at this time, and what you’ve been neglecting in yourself that you’ve projected onto others. If you set an intention during the new moon about integrating the tough lessons of intimacy in your life, then when the tide turns later in the month to pull you into your own core depths (whether it’s what you leave behind after you die or what shell you need to grow out of), you’ll be prepared to choose the new structures being revealed to you that will support your expansive merging. Your friendships and social networks may be a source of comfort during this time, despite the waves they give off being sudden and tsunami-like. Even as your focus during this month seems flooded by the energies of others, you can take the time during the full moon to consider your own security in the midst of it all.

    Bonfire (Leo Rising and/or Sun)

    Being a skillful and warm mentor to others may be taking up your time, and you can definitely set the intention during this new moon about continuing to be a beacon for others. However, later in the month, the spotlight shifts towards what your close relationships give to you, and what you give them back, whether it’s your love or your projections about what love is about. You may enter a dance of setting boundaries while also stoking the fires of what the best a relationship can offer. It’s a complicated set of steps as you may also get burned by fiery conflict in your workplace or public roles. The full moon is a reflection of your light– take the time to face what and who you are, regardless of all the external demands of others’ needs and perceptions of you this month.

    Sands (Virgo Rising and/or Sun)

    This may actually be a fun time for you, with a lot of unexpected and passionate energy towards things that bring you pleasure and fun, that expand your horizons and take you to new places of learning. You can set an intention for the new moon on further orienting towards play and creativity, which can serve you in good stead later in the month, as you get to the nitty gritty of honing and focusing on your skills and specific interests that you feel best serves you and others. The full moon can be a time where you reflect on the shifting sands of your own spirituality, or at the very least, feeling into what it is you need to hold onto for improvement, and what needs to be let go.

    Breeze (Libra Rising and/or Sun)

    The hot winds that may be coming from your family life (chosen or of origin) right now, how they relate to you and have power over you, may need some intentions set for the new moon so that you can move towards resolving conflict, or at least feel like everyone is being treated fairly. You may feel blown over, as well, by the unexpected drive towards facing the crises all around you or inside you, especially when it comes to matters of major transitions in life and intimacy. Later in the month, you might be able to breathe easier, as you can switch your focus to the children in your life, or the child inside you, making room for more fun and laughter — though you may still have to set boundaries here so as not to get carried away. The full moon can be an opportunity for reflecting and reaching out to your friends and social networks, appreciating how they can be there for you even as you navigate the needs of your ancestors and your children, the needs of home and of play.

    Storm (Scorpio Rising and/or Sun)

    You may be gathering information at this time like clouds darkening the horizon, or you may be unleashing a torrent of words to those close to you, especially towards your relationships, that seem to be ramping up in intensity, making leaps and bounds while being caught up in a passionate downpour. You can set an intention for the new moon in regards to what you really need to communicate to others at this time, about your interpersonal desires, and also what it means to be a part of your family. That’s because later in the month, you’ll turn your attention towards home, how you want to grow it and how you want to structure it, at the same time. You can also use the time of the full moon to reflect on how all this will impact your career or who you want to be known as publicly.

    Lightning (Sagittarius Rising and/or Sun)

    You may be focused on your security during these times — how your relationships establish your stability, and not just your finances, especially in these unstable and electrifying times. If you set intentions during the new moon on how to feel grounded, and not just prosperous, it may also be fueled by a passion for understanding what makes you useful to others and how they can mentor and be useful to you. Later in the month, you can take all the goals and conclusions you’ve come up with and begin communicating it with those that need to know, ensuring folks can see the flash of aspiration as well as the structure of your needs. The full moon can be a period of reflection as to what else you need to do to achieve the growth you desire, whether its further education and learning, or exploring realms beyond what you’ve already known.

    Want to read the full article? Become a patron on Patreon for as little as $1/month to support my Elders and healing work among my communities. Email/message me if you want to join our Kinaban Discord server for more astrological chats.

    https://www.patreon.com/posts/46138004

  • Coming Home To Centre [PATREON ARTICLE]

    CW/TW: discussion on abuse, cults, oppression

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    Introduction

    As I share and discuss Homecoming Teachings and cultural attachment (through the cultural somatics Ritual As Justice School), a common theme keeps coming up: many of us do not have the luxury of starting from a place of strong cultural attachment, i.e. what the Homecoming Teachings call a “Centre” that is already built for us. Unlike Elder Malidoma Some in his book Of Water and Spirit, many of us also don’t have an “intact” people or culture that can welcome us back with an initiation ceremony. Many of us, indeed, find that we have to initiate ourselves as much as we look for those who can initiate us into our purpose, our community, our Centre.

    On top of that, the work of oppression/cultural/personal demons creates many pitfalls in regards to abusive and cult dynamics. A practice, group, or movement builds what seems like healthy attachment with strong principles, sometimes through creating experiences that feel extremely euphoric, until an individual believes that the only way they can feel connection and belonging is through the practice/group/movement. When there is some kind of “proof” of that, the controlling, coercive behaviour begins to destroy all other attachments except the one controlled by the abuser/cult. Individuals may be able to escape early on if the controlling behaviour is initiated before devotion or loyalty is secured. It’s also possible to escape later if not all other attachments and connections were completely destroyed. In the Homecoming Teachings, this is an example of the work of a Tyrant, usually goaded by community demons (with probable personal and oppression ones as well).

    This article will review some suggestions of finding and/or building a Centre/Community, while watching out for abusive/cultish dynamics. These suggestions and ideas are heavily influenced by the works/teachings of Elder Malidoma Some, Elder Blu Waters, Zainab Amadahy, Rhizome Syndigrast Coelacanth Flourishing, Kai Cheng Thom, Mariame Kaba, adrienne maree brown, Resmaa Menakem, Shira Hassan, Tada Hozumi, dare sohei, Larissa Kaul, Starhawk, and my Elders and teachers from the Philippines (such as Apu Adman).

    For a review of some of the concepts I touch on, like Homecoming Teachings and cultural attachment theory, you can scroll to the bottom of this article for links.

     

    Finding a Centre

    The core of this advice lies in the belief that in some way, through your actions, memories, feelings, and thoughts, you will know or discover your purpose and your values. Perhaps you already have a strong sense of purpose and principle, but if you’re like me, I started out not really knowing or understanding what I believed in and thus how to treat folks well or be treated well. The secondary aspect to this advice is in the Homecoming Teachings– that responsibility and wildness (the cycles of life and death) can teach you your purpose and values. In fact, initiation and self-initiation rely on responsibility and wildness.

    First of all, what do I mean by wildness? I mean the cycles of life and death, of what in the world we can control and what lies beyond us, beyond our ken or plan or anticipation, which includes things beyond our control. It is this wildness that reminds us of what we are, it is in these moments we ask ourselves why we should exist in this world, and to what purpose. Initiatory life periods, whether brought about by the wildness outside of ourselves or inside ourselves, demand our focus to make meaning of what is happening, usually out of the suffering that occurs from the uncontrollable and from the loss of death, breakups, disasters, unspeakable tragedies. 

    When we are confronted with the wildness of existence, if guided in an appropriate initiation container, we then consider or are reminded of our responsibilities. What do I mean by responsibility? I mean whatever anchors us to all of creation, to treat each other well, to make good on commitments made by us and our ancestors to each other, to act like good guests, to make each interaction and relationship an offering or a gift. It is the ability to respond, in the moment, with consideration to the spirit of what is before us, whether it’s “nature” or “technology” or “living” or “dead”. I’m learning, as well, that this may feel “just right”.

    So here’s the advice, wrapped up in the following question: In periods of initiation, whether planned or unexpected, when confronted with the wildness of existence, how did you act responsibly, i.e. how did you respond in a way that anchored yourself to all of creation? All those moments, all those decisions, teach you your purpose and your values. Were you courageous? Did you dance? Did you fight? Did you spend time healing the land? Did you receive visions on how to make things better? Were you compassionate to yourself and others? When you have the answer to these questions, write/draw/collage/record them. Keep them close by. I have a notebook (more than one, to be honest) that holds these anchors for me, to review when I forget. 

    But also I review this information when I need to “find a centre”, when I need to find others like me, those I can call “Community”. These are people that share the same values while honouring and celebrating my purpose. These are people that grasp wildness and embody responsibility, who also have their own purpose that I honour and celebrate. These are people that will work alongside me and heal with me while holding me accountable. 

    In this day and age, how would you go about finding them? I would suggest gatherings that also share your values and flow with responsibility and wildness, first and foremost. Secondary considerations would be gatherings and events that appeal to your identity, your interests, and skill sets needed to continue expanding your purpose. You could also attend local events and embody your purpose responsibly in the wild– it’s possible that your Community may come find you. 

    What to watch out for is people or movements or groups that may talk about your values, or acknowledge responsibility and wildness, but their actions show irresponsibility and control, actions that can look like abuse and/or cult-like behaviour. The most common red flag would be promising you power/healing/happiness/peace only through a single figurehead or source, which essentially ignores your responsibility to all of creation if you can only gain “true connection” through the one. It also does not allow for wildness, for there is sickness as well as healing, and sorrow as well as peace, death as much as life, these exist and are cycles, anyone who promises that they can erase all that instead of accepting the reality of existence may also have other grandiose plans of control. The danger truly lies in early warning signs being well hidden and only being alerted when all other support systems in your life have been cut off and you are isolated and terrified. The hope is reconnecting and re-anchoring to as many forms of connection and attachment to the universe as possible, when you have been or are in danger of being abused by those claiming to be Community. 

     

    Building a Centre

    The considerations of helping to co-organize a community space is even more difficult. I wouldn’t recommend doing it by yourself, and I would highly suggest the above “finding a centre” process first to at least find one or two other living humans to build something with. The next step would be a statement of values, what you all share and believe in, as well as how you embody those values in the world, and how others can hold you to account for those values and for your actions. This statement can be born from rituals and activities together, making group collages and art pieces, group storytelling and shares, a dance circle or communal singing. 

    After that, I would suggest creating a ritual or building a process together on how to “clear the air”, resolve conflicts, bring things up with each other, give feedback. This may require reflection on everyone’s parts as to their own self-accountability process, how they’ve dealt with conflict in the past, and if there are things in their own life they need to be accountable for, because as you all merge your lives together in building this type of community, their words and deeds will also be joined with yours. What is the dance/boundaries around the past, present, and future in regards to accountability and conflict within your community and outside of it? 

    Throughout this, I would also recommend ensuring that everyone still connects to their wider support networks, be it plants, animals, their own ethnic communities, the land, their ancestors, and sacred tools/technology. Part of your “Centre” involves all these other communities too, and if you have unhealed work in those areas it will impact everyone else as well. The most pressing example is the one on “whiteness”– for those who don’t have a healthy relationship with their European ancestors, harbour white guilt and/or white supremacy, their attempts to build community with Black folks, Indigenous folks, and people of colour will be fraught with unintentional violence. 

    These are at least three preliminary steps, but they are so important that I’m just going to present them only. I reflect on my own mistakes in trying to “build a centre” as I’ve written the above guidelines, in hopes it may help other folks as well. One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that it is perilous to tie up material security when building a centre. The crush of capitalism and existential insecurity during this time may mean people will extend themselves beyond their actual capacity just to secure housing with a collective, and will agree with spiritual/activist/etc values but not have the capacity to actualize that, possibly because they lack the wider support network and healing. The community space you are trying to build cannot be the sole source of healing for everyone involved, it must include the cultivating of other supports, otherwise it is in danger of cult dynamics at most, and at the least, many of people’s “frozen needs” from childhood or their own cultures will be projected onto everyone else and responses may escalate from all the built-up unhealed material, leading usually to a lack of resolution or complete separation. Ideally, your group must have already gone through a conflict, understood each other’s self-accountability process, and developed a group accountability process together before even considering moving into the same household. It is through the wildness of conflict that one can actually discern how responsible you and others can be, how much needs to still be healed so as not to bring in abusive dynamics, and how much everyone has capacity for everyone else’s healing journey. 

    To be honest, I struggled with completing this article because so much of this will continue to be a work-in-progress. It is the last article I scheduled for 2020 for a reason– these are trying times and finding “community” is a lifelong project because of the unique circumstances we find ourselves in, so different from our ancestors, that we’ll continue to struggle and dream and find our own way within the myriad ways the rest of the world and technology grows alongside (or beyond) us. 

     

    Links to Previous Articles & Concepts

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    https://www.patreon.com/posts/45929188

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