Original 2008; Revised 2018
Have you ever felt that your life was savage, barbaric, less than ideal?
Tired of living close with the earth?
Bored of your rich, oral traditions?
Suddenly doubting the validity of the herbal knowledge that’s served your community for hundreds of years?
Fed up with the symbiotic relationship of humans, animals, and the land, which maintain a balanced ecosystem?
Irritated with your animistic views and the cultural heritage that’s an intrinsic part of your self-worth?
Ever had that deep down feeling that somehow, on some intrinsic level, you weren’t actually human?
Well, suffer no more!
The Civilizer comes with Freedom, Democracy, Equality, Individualism, the Pursuit of Happiness, and a Judeo-Christian set of morals and ethics—all completely free!
A fair and democratic system that can only be used by the rich and incorporated!
Worldwide technologically advanced media to disseminate one-sided perspectives rife with cultural stereotypes!
An allopathic medicinal society that is mostly driven by offering cures instead of actually curing you!
Education that privileges productivity over knowledge!
Material success symbolized by items you don’t actually need!
And best of all, whiteness, heterosexuality, one form of masculinity, one form of relationship arrangement, one form of body type, and one form of monotheism as the Golden Standard we should all try to achieve!
All of this and more is scientifically proven to come from The Civilizer!
Don’t just stare like a fence-sitting bisexual!
If you call now, we have a very special offer where we take all of the terrible parts of you that make you inhuman, as well as your natural resources and cheap labour, and replace it with the Civilizer’s benefits—but now with 50% more democracy and 200% more freedom!
If you call within the next ten minutes, we’ll throw in guilt and self-hatred as you strive towards Civilizer ideals but can’t quite break free from your inferior indigenous roots!
This is a limited time offer only!
Order the Civilizer now!
Dominators are standing by.
Some side effects may include slavery, misogyny, homophobia, violent revolution, patriarchy, racism, imperialism, colonialism, cultural genocide, segregation, stereotyping, diaspora, exploitation, sweatshops, free trade agreements, debt, obesity, starvation, war, and more.
The Civilizer refuses to be held responsible for any and all side effects that may ensue.
The Civilizer! Cleaning up the world one nation at a time!
Wanna hear the rest of the poem? Better yet, want to commission me to write a poem and draw something for you? Click on the link to become a patron. For as little as $1/month you can support healing work among my communities, and the indigenous Elders that mentor me.