Category: Blog

CW/TW: discussion of violence, trauma, suicidality, self-harm, mental illness, and oppression

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INTRODUCTION

I’m writing this article because I’d like to offer some insight and suggestions for recovery and re-rooting from a spiritwork and healing justice lens. I’ll also be alluding to concepts found in Generative Somatics (Staci K. Haines) and Cultural Somatics (Resmaa Menakem, Tada Hozumi, Dare Sohei, Larissa Kaul), as well as briefly comparing them to concepts found in complex trauma theory, attachment theory, behavioural psychology, cognitive psychology, psychodynamic psychology, psychoanalysis, and ego psychology. I mention psychological concepts in case the reader’s frame of reference is mostly from psychology, only to assist them in a better understanding of these spiritwork-based concepts.

This article is divided into the following sections:

• Introduction
• Background: The Tikbalang
• Getting Lost Versus Led Astray
• 5 Common Soul Wounds and Their Demons
• The Healing Journey
• Basbasan: The Transformation of Spirits
• Sakom: Soul Retrieval
• Review of Soul Wounds, Demons & Homecoming Teachings

If you’re new to this work, I suggest scrolling down to the bottom and starting at the section called “Review of Soul Wounds, Demons & Homecoming Teachings”. There will be relevant quotes if you don’t have time to read each of the articles in full, but there will also be links to all 7 articles that are the basis for this one.

BACKGROUND: THE TIKBALANG

The tikbalang is a spirit of (the islands colonially known as) the Philippines with a complicated history, whose horse-headedness could be traced to Hinduism and/or Spanish colonizers bringing horses. However, in this article I am talking about the spirit’s actions and function, whether it is depicted with a horse head or not. I am talking about how the spirit can be a benevolent elemental guardian, and also how it can be known as a being that “leads travellers astray”. When a tikbalang “plays tricks” on a human, it is most likely that the human has not respected the land that the tikbalang protects. There is an offense, and the human becomes lost. In the traditions, a human traveller needs to turn their shirt inside out (to prove that they have not stolen anything of the land or are harbouring weapons against the land) and/or speak out loud that they are passing through and mean no harm. A couple of European equivalents to spirits that lead humans astray are known as will-o’wisps or jack-o’lanterns.

In the context of this article, I am comparing a specific kind of unhealed situation to the situation of being led astray by a tikbalang. This is the situation where a violence, an offense, is done to a human soul, thus creating a soul wound, and demons, enraged by the wound, but fed by the suffering (the energy or “blood” of the wound), lead the human away from their purpose (or their centered and grounded self). As long as the human is led astray, the demons can keep feeding off the wound. When I titled the article as “transforming tikbalang”, what it alludes to is that not only must the Community help bring the human back Home to Centre, but also must heal the Soul Wound (usually through retrieving and integrating a lost soul piece), and transform the demons feeding off the wound into spirits or the energy of Creation. Thus, the tikbalang that is harmful to a human transforms once again into a spirit focused on their purpose in Creation.

Another way to look at this, popularized by the colonial world, is that behaviours that become entrenched patterns which can be described as “personality disorders” can be traced to recurring intrusive thoughts and beliefs usually stemming from one or a series of early traumatic moments. Recovery can require addressing the source, the thoughts/beliefs, and the patterns themselves by creating secure attachments, establishing as much safety as possible, and affirming dignity in a network of relationships.

GETTING LOST VERSUS LED ASTRAY

In regards to the Homecoming Teachings, when an individual or community “gets lost”, it’s possible that they forgot their own teachings in pursuit of a goal that created an imbalance (for example, getting so caught up in “protecting” their people that they start destroying anything they perceive as a threat). Usually, an elder, teacher, or a keeper of the culture can remind the person or community to return to core values, to collective purpose, to Home.

However, when an individual or community is “led astray”, it is because a demon is deliberately tampering with them to not return to Centre. If it’s a personal demon, it is focused on feeding off the individual’s soul wound and if the person is led astray into being a Fugitive, then they have no time or energy to transform the demon and heal their wound. If it’s a community demon or oppression demon, it can be focused on an individual’s soul wound, or a community’s soul wound. If a community is the target, multiple people can be led astray, and the demon may try to specifically target and/or possess elders, teachers, or anyone that could remind the community of their culture or values.

Another way to know the difference is that there’s pushback, there’s a form of violent backlash, when led astray. For example, when one gets lost, those who tend the Centre and the rest of the Community, welcome the return, and are ready for the integration process of coming home. But when those led astray attempt to return, the demons will aggravate the wound so they can continue to feed, causing immense suffering in the individual or community, forcing folks to flee back in the opposite direction of the Centre.

5 COMMON SOUL WOUNDS AND THEIR DEMONS

To illustrate the process of being led astray, I’m going to review five common soul wounds and some of the ways, individually or communally, they become a source of fuel for demons that then lead people astray. I will not be offering detailed examples of what can cause these soul wounds, but I will explain what those situations have in common — there is a violence witnessed or experienced that creates a severing in the soul, usually where one’s innate dignity is pitted against one’s safety, or one’s sense of belonging is pitted against one’s dignity, or one’s safety must be sacrificed to keep security. In that moment, where dignity, safety, and security are negated or seem to be enemies of each other, an “understanding” of the situation then rips the soul apart, which can look like one or all of the following: creating different parts of the self (sometimes those different parts merging with outside spirits, such as in my own case), separating the self from community, separating the self from other beings, and separating the self from all of Creation. This severing also creates a “rift in time”, where the moment gets trapped in the mind or the body, usually keeping all the pain of the emotions.

The 5 types of “understandings” or soul wounds I’m going to cover are the following:

• “My Needs Won’t Be Met” Wound
• “I Am Greatness or I Am Nothing” Wound
• “My Destruction Is My Only Control” Wound
• “Other People are Painful” Wound
• “Other People Are My Identity” Wound

“My Needs Won’t Be Met” Wound

The violent incident and the understanding of that violence as “my needs won’t be met” creates this particular soul wound, which commonly attracts demons that insist a variety of things, such as: “you shouldn’t have needs”, “expressing your needs will only cause more suffering to yourself or others”, “take care of others’ needs instead”, etc. These commands lead the soul wound bearer astray into Tyrant-Martyr, where their behaviour becomes controlling in the way they will caretake others and then collapse from overextension and then finally receive some form of care and perhaps try to move towards Trickster-Protector but the demons will then trigger them again if they do receive care, pushing them into the same Tyrant-Martyr behaviours once they recover from the collapse. A possible equivalent to this process may be what’s called psychologically or in the colonial world as codependence or aspects of dependent personality disorder.

“I Am Greatness or I Am Nothing” Wound

The violent incident and the understanding of that violence as “I am Greatness or I am nothing” creates this particular soul wound, which commonly attracts a host of demons that insist any or all of the following: “you are inferior to everyone”, “you are superior to everyone as long as you maintain perfection and not let anyone see your true self”, “making a mistake means you are worthless and disgusting”, “other people don’t matter unless they contribute to and worship your perfection”, etc. These commands lead the soul wound bearer astray into Destroyer while being dismembered both into Tyrant and Adversary. The soul wound bearer’s Destroyer behaviour is combative and abusive, devaluing others through endless criticism or objectifying them if they are useful. Their Tyrant behaviour is bent on manipulating others as allies or enemies to be crushed while their Adversary behaviour is an entitled response to desires and wants, regardless of the cost to others. The demons respond to any move towards Healer, Leader, or Trickster with re-opening the soul wound, creating a flood of shame and self-hatred that is so painful, if the soul wound bearer doesn’t collapse, then they rally all their energy so that they can be led astray back to the Destroyer-Tyrant/Adversary. A possible equivalent to this process may be what’s called psychologically or in the colonial world as narcissism or aspects of antisocial personality disorder.

“My Destruction Is My Only Control” Wound

The violent incident and the understanding of that violence as “my destruction is my only control” creates this particular soul wound, which commonly attracts demons that command the following: “punish those who hurt you by hurting yourself”, “give in to the control of others”, “rebel against the control of others by destroying yourself”, “there is no hope but acts of self-destruction”. These commands lead the soul wound bearer astray into Tyrant-Destroyer — and sometimes dismembered into Martyr, though that may actually be a deception, as whatever looks like caretaking for another person is actually a “giving in” with the intent at self-destruction or self-annihilation, first emotionally/mentally, and then physically. Behaviours for these types of Tyrant-Destroyer manifest as passive-aggression, self-deprecation, self-harm, and suicidality. Any attempt at moving towards the Trickster-Healer is interrupted by demons who reopen the soul wound and trigger agonizing flashbacks whenever the soul wound bearer faces any kind of loss of control, driving them back into Tyrant-Destroyer. A possible equivalent to this process may be what’s called psychologically or in the colonial world as aspects of borderline personality disorder.

“Other People are Painful” Wound

The violent incident and the understanding of that violence as “other people are painful” creates this particular soul wound, which commonly attracts demons that insist they know what must be done to stop the pain. These demons usually fall into two camps or both camps of commands: preemptively “avoid people” or “hurt/push away people if they get too close”. As they command an individual or community to avoid or hurt others, they lead them astray to the Hermit, Destroyer, Tyrant, or a combination of the three. Behaviours of these types of Hermits, Destroyers, and/or Tyrants, involve controlling the environment through withdrawing from as much human contact and interaction as possible, or attacking others if they try to breach that isolation, in a stuck flight and/or fight response. Any attempt to return to Centre, moving towards the Seeker, Healer, or Trickster, will be interrupted by painful flashbacks, especially any time the bearer of this soul wound has a social interaction that isn’t a particular/perfect form of pleasant or fun. These flashbacks are the soul wound reopening, which the demons enjoy, even as they lead the bearer astray once again in their triggered state to engage in Hermit/Destroyer/Tyrant behaviour. A possible equivalent to this process may be what’s called psychologically or in the colonial world as aspects of avoidant personality disorder.

“Other People Are My Identity” Wound

The violent incident and the understanding of that violence as “other people are my identity” creates this particular soul wound, which commonly attracts demons that have opposing commands, such as: “merge with this other person or you are nothing” and “don’t merge with this other person or you will disappear”. These commands lead the soul wound bearer astray into Tyrant, usually dismembered in both Destroyer and Martyr, or Hermit and Martyr. Whichever person becomes the holder of the soul wound bearer’s identity is then subjected to fawn responses and fight/flight responses. For example, in one instance the soul wound bearer will try to emulate and anticipate the needs of the identity holder, and then in another instance, the soul wound bearer will have an angry outburst at or begin to avoid the identity holder. Any attempts to move towards Trickster, Protector, Healer, or Seeker, will be interrupted by painful flashbacks, especially any time the bearer of this soul wound interacts with or remembers the identity holder, reopening the soul wound and pushing the soul wound bearer into Tyrant-Martyr-Destroyer/Hermit behaviour once again. A possible equivalent to this process may be what’s called psychologically or in the colonial world as codependence or aspects of dependent or borderline personality disorder.

THE HEALING JOURNEY

For folks who have been led astray, their healing journey may begin with basbasan (spirit transformations for their demons), or it may start with a sakom (soul wound retrieval process). Either of those is probably recommended first, for even if they begin with trying to do a Homecoming Ritual, the demons will aggravate the soul wound, and probably create a crisis that immediately needs to be attended to.

Regardless of which one occurs first, it’s probably best for both the spirit transformation and the soul wound retrieval process to happen close together, such as in the same week or month. This is because if one soul wound heals, the demons who are feeding off of it will get desperate and try to rip open other ones, and the longer they are not supported in their transformation, the more likely their attempts at aggravating other wounds may succeed. Alternatively, if demons are transformed but the soul wound is still not healed, it can continue to attract other hungry demons until it is closed or the lost soul piece is retrieved to close it.

When a soul retrieval process and spirit transformations have been completed for a particular soul wound and its demons, then a person or community who has been led astray can then engage in Homecoming Rituals, specifically Revelations, Embodiments, and Practices detailed in the specific articles on Homecoming Rituals to Healer & Protector, Seeker & Visionary, and Leader & Trickster.

It’s also important to understand that this isn’t a one-time process, that this may be a continuous journey, especially as people and communities usually have more than one soul wound that they bear, and demons that you think have been transformed may have been part of a larger oppression demon that requires more than a one-time ritual by yourself. It may be helpful to journal or document this journey, and record how behaviours have changed, and the major insights received when returning to Centre and aligning with purpose and values in roles like the Leader, Trickster, Healer, Protector, Visionary, and Seeker. This way, even if it feels like no progress is being made, when you re-read the log of your healing journey, you realize that it may be another demon telling you that there isn’t any improvement, as you see your behaviours shift over time to re-align with values and your community honouring you and re-aligning with their values as well.

BASBASAN: THE TRANSFORMATION OF SPIRITS

In my 3 articles on demons, I allude to their transformation. My understanding of spirit transformation comes from both exorcism practices of my spiritwork background (such as the basbasan of my Bikol ancestors), and Buddhist tantric meditation and Chöd practices as a student of the works of Machig Labdrön, Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche, and Lama Tsultrim Allione. I also ground this in many other teachings, that can be summed up in the common saying “hurt people hurt people”. Demons are spirits that are hurt in some way, and their only understanding of how to continue is to cause and feed on more hurt. In some creation stories and teachings, these beings exist to test humans, while in other stories and teachings, the oldest of these beings in existence were the first who got lost into the Tyrant, Adversary, Destroyer, Martyr, Hermit, and Fugitive. Because of this, they know how to lead others astray into these energies and roles, and they feed on suffering because that has replaced their Centre.

When you restore balance in a demon, when you bring them to the Centre, they may transform into their original spirit form or into an altogether new spirit. The demon could have been an unhealed ancestor, filled with rage, possessing you. The demon could have been a grief-stricken land spirit whose river has been destroyed or whose mountain has been mined into nothing. The demon could have been an animal spirit who has had enough of human cruelty. The demon could have been a sacred tool or piece of technology infused with the suffering and terror of thousands of humans. The demon could have been a spirit older than any of these, so lost in the direction of Tyrant or Destroyer that there’s no way to find their original self so when transformed they return as energy into the spirit worlds or Creation.

The many rituals involving spirit transformation have a few in common — they confront the demon head on, and offer something that ultimately leads to the transformation. I find this more effective than banishments or boundary setting, simply because demons can return. Destroying a demon may backfire, as the act of destruction could create a soul wound in another person or community that could birth or attract another demon, usually a Destroyer type. However, by focusing on the transformation, you are actually restoring a larger balance to Creation. The key to the transformation is in the offering — it is a gift, freely given, that is more potent than suffering and pain, and can bring the spirit back to the Centre. The offering is usually some form of unlimited love/compassion, and it feeds the spirit until they remember their original form or transform into something new.

As I wrote about in the other articles, the larger the demon, the more folks will need to be involved in its transformation. I suppose it’s a question of the level of hunger and the age of the demon, how much people the spirit has affected, and how the offering can respond to all of those factors. Generally, collective action is the best response to community demons and oppression demons.

SAKOM: SOUL RETRIEVAL

In Soul Wounds & Personal Demons, I briefly outline what healing soul wounds could look like, in a ritual that my Bikol ancestors called sakom (though whether it is similar to what soul retrieval rituals look like nowadays is of course up for discussion) and is also similar to many other rituals, such as the one Erika Buenaflor describes in her book Curanderismo Soul Retrieval.

I don’t recommend doing soul retrieval work by yourself, because part of how the soul wound was created in the first place was due to the severing from self and community, from a sense of belonging and connection, into a place of meaningless suffering. If you have a cultural somatic/ancestral/spiritwork practice, then calling in ancestors, land spirits, and deities does count as community, and they can possibly guide you through sakom.

For example, in the type of sakom that I’ve experienced and helped to facilitate, we begin the process by calling in all the benevolent, guiding, and healed/healing ancestors, guardian spirits, deities, land spirits, spirits of place, elementals, the directions, sacred tools, plants, animals, and living humans to offer their blessings and guidance. A specific helper spirit then accompanies or guides the soul wound bearer, usually in a trance, through space-time, to the soul wound and/or to where the soul piece is (the soul piece is the part that was ripped from the soul and its absence creates the wound). This soul piece can look like a younger or different version of the soul wound bearer, or an object, an animal, an entire pocket dimension. The piece carries the “understanding” of the violent incident, and oftentimes the soul wound bearer and gathered community members spend time offering a different understanding of the incident or of the truth of the soul piece and why it must return. This new understanding can be conveyed in music, dance, storytelling, offerings of food and smoke cleansing, herbal baths and the conferring of sacred items. The ritual is closed when folks need to disperse, with a promise to the soul piece of when the next ritual will be if the piece is still not ready to return. It may take an hour or days, or a recurring weekly/monthly/yearly ritual until the soul piece returns. Even after the soul piece returns, there may be another ritual to celebrate the closing of the soul wound, and to honour the soul piece through a name, purpose, or token. There may also need to be a period of rest, to support the integration, which can look like avoiding stressful and strenuous activities, while staying in, drinking plenty of liquids, and eating nourishing food.

Lastly, sakom can seem similar to Homecoming Rituals because sakom is a type of Homecoming Ritual, in that there is a Centre that the soul piece is returning to. I would even go so far as to suggest that a person who is led astray may be part of the lost soul piece of a Community’s soul wound. Working on the Revelation, Embodiment, and Practice of a person’s or community’s purpose, values, and commitment is good preparation for sakom, and can prepare the way for a more thorough Homecoming of one who is led astray.

REVIEW OF SOUL WOUNDS, DEMONS & HOMECOMING TEACHINGS

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• Soul Wounds & Personal Demons
• Community Demons
• Oppression Demons
• Pagliwanag: Homecoming Teachings
• Homecoming to Healer & Protector
• Homecoming to Seeker & Visionary
• Homecoming to Leader & Trickster

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Introduction

This article is an elaboration and continuation of Pagliwanag: Homecoming Teachings, and is the second out of three articles which will have a similar format. Each clarification article will describe the core of one of the axes in the Homecoming Teachings, then go into how one can get lost from the Centre, and finally how one can come home to the Centre using Revelation, Embodiment, and Practice. Please read the original article first so as to get the full context of this one.

These teachings can be learned and practiced by oneself if absolutely necessary, but it’s strongly advised to work them out with another person or a group of people. These teachings can be considered therapeutic, but they are meant to be collective suggestions and guidelines for healing justice, especially around personal and collective soul wounding (trauma) and the transformation of oppression demons (internalized oppression).

The Axis of Knowledge

The axis of the East & West is about our knowledge. When I’m writing about knowledge, I am talking about how we experience the world around us through whatever senses we have available from our bodies and our soul(s), and then how we interpret that with our emotional and mental faculties. These interpretations also are held up against our values and purpose, our community’s knowledge, and the wider knowledge of society. 

For example, I am sighted, and use my eyes to see shapes and colours. With the use of the nerves in my skin I can feel the texture of what’s near me or on me. I am a hearing person, and with my ears I pick up vibrations that I call sounds. Then my mind begins to discern what all these things are, putting them into categories, interpreting them into larger patterns and making meaning out of them. This is the colour purple. This sweater is soft. The wind is blowing through the trees. But I also have a dream where I experience sensations and images just like when I am awake. I also close my eyes or stare off at a point when I’m awake and still receive visions beyond what my body can sense.

How I acquire or receive knowledge directly comes from my values and my purpose, which is at the Centre of these teachings. I value all my experiences and knowledge, and I value my ancestors and spirits, so I interpret patterns within both my dreams, visions, and sensations as also containing messages from my ancestors. I also interpret larger patterns. In addition, my knowledge of the world takes into account Service and Change. I am in service to my communities and I interpret patterns in hopes that there will be some gift I can return to my community with. Yet, I also know that the world and my capacity to experience and interpret the world is constantly changing, and to be open to the present as a constant updating of what I know and what I don’t know. Change also represents the cycles of being active in experiencing and knowledge gathering, and spending time to process and rest.

Getting Lost

When individuals and communities are attacked by their personal demons, community demons, and/or oppression demons, the soul wounding (trauma) that occurs pushes people away from the Centre, and they get lost far into the East or the West. This means their reception of knowledge is no longer aligned with Service and Change, their purpose and their values, but instead becomes focused on Control and/or Irresponsibility. 

For example, when I get lost in the Hermit, my desire to control my experiences of the world overrides my responsibility to the community around me. I want to limit my experiences of them– maybe out of fear, maybe out of spite, maybe out of boredom. This can look like literally spending as little time as possible with other living human beings, and not sharing the knowledge I am gaining through my own reflections, introspections, studies, visions, and dreams. Perhaps it can also look like refusing to reflect and introspect, but go through the days in an automatic routine, taking comfort in the control, even if there is no learning or growing, even if it only leads to self-stagnation and self-exile. When I am lost in the Hermit, I am forever in retreat.

When I become lost in the Fugitive, my desire to control my experiences of the world still overrides my responsibility to the community around me, but in this case, I’m not trying to limit my experiences, I’m trying to gain as much as possible, either in quality or quantity. I may throw myself into a new thrill, a new sensation, a new adventure every day, regardless of my commitments to my communities or to my long-term goals. I may completely focus on a substance or behaviour, and pursue it to the detriment of my body and my communities’ security and stability. Maybe I do this out of fear, or boredom, or restlessness. But no matter where I go, what I do, it’s never enough. When I am lost in the Fugitive, I am forever running away.

In the colonial world, the Hermit’s behaviours can be understood as dissociation and/or avoidant attachment styles. The Fugitive’s behaviours in the colonial world can be understood as addiction, obsessive-compulsive tendencies, and anxious attachment styles. However, whole communities in the colonial world can get lost in the Hermit or Fugitive, goaded by community demons and oppression demons. 

Communities become lost in the Hermit when they create an “echo chamber” for themselves, refusing to accept new information outside of their shared world view. They are hostile to who they perceive as “outsiders”, and will exile trusted members of their own community if they try to introduce new experiences, evidence, or knowledge that could challenge or even add to the existing traditions. Part of this can be spurred on by oppression demons of racism and xenophobia, but some communities may have started off using this as a defense against such bigoted influence, and then become lost in the desire to control what people know and experience, instead of realigning with values and accepting that change is a part of growth.

Communities become lost in the Fugitive when they want to take knowledge from other communities instead of a respectful exchange. Fugitive communities become irresponsible to their own past and traditions, as well as to the boundaries of the communities around them, and instead want to control their knowledge and experience through expansion and conquest of others’ traditions. This can look like cultural (mis)appropriation and toxic tourism culture, but on a larger scale it can look like exploitative, neocolonial practices from corporations and non-profits. A complex web of oppression demons and community demons wounding a community culturally can push whole groups of people into running from their collective past — from the pain as well as the gifts — and into extracting to fill up an emptiness that seems unending.

Revelation

The first part of the Homecoming Teachings, to begin a person and their community’s return to Centre, is Revelation — for the Axis of the East & West, it means developing, receiving, and seeking Knowledge.

In the colonial world, if you are a person whose community may also be lost or wounded, so they cannot perform a ritual or ceremony to help bring you back to the Centre, then you can start by learning about your community’s traditional knowledge and practices, an exercise of the mind. (The next article about Homecoming Teachings for the Underworld & Upperworld will go deeper into Ancestor Work, however you can also start with that work in the Axis of Knowledge.) Finding primary sources may look like information on archaeological digs, dictionaries written by colonizers who made “first contact”, and scholarly articles compiling research on existing literature on the subject. There may be documentaries, social media groups, and conferences where this information can be found. You can also research epistemology (the study of human knowledge itself), if that calls to you, whether it’s the Indian schools of thought on pramana or the Greek writings of Plato and Aristotle, or the European philosophers like Locke and Descartes. I definitely studied different epistemological philosophies, but found the most significant understandings were from my ancestry, in our creation stories and teachings I could find from ancestors and elders studied by European anthropologists. I also strongly encourage receiving a basic understanding on what is and isn’t cultural (mis)appropriation before beginning this search for knowledge, and also to understand knowledge’s ethical boundaries.

To connect to your heart and spirit, Revelation should also include a journey into the spirit world (if you are trained in spiritwork). If you are not trained in spiritwork, you can try a visualization exercise similar to what I’ve written below.

[This section was taken out for this excerpt.]

Remember to set an alarm if you can, so that you can then return through the gate back to your Centre and thank and say goodbye to your new guide, before your next activity for the day. 

Revelation is a constant unfolding, and you can also move on to Embodiment and Practice while you continue to develop an understanding of these teachings. You can also attend workshops or sessions that I run on these teachings specifically.

If you feel that you also need to bring your community into this Revelation, you can organize a workshop or skillshare about your community’s traditional stories and practices that can be facilitated by you (depending on how far you’ve continued in this practice or returned to Centre) or by someone that you know embodies the energies of Seeker and Visionary, and has the capacity to relay these Revelations. Having this group gathering, even if it’s not a formal ritual or ceremony, also supports your own Homecoming, in addition to your community’s.

Embodiment

The East & West Axis is connected to the front and back of our bodies. The front is the East because that is where the sun rises, and the front is when we face the day. The back is the West because that is where the sun sets, and when we lie down on our backs to rest. If you are nocturnal, perhaps the West represents your front, and the East represents your back. Regardless, the point is to balance the cycles of activity and rest.

Here are some embodiment activities that you can choose from based on how your body reacts. This means that your body expands, relaxes, or moves forward when you read or say aloud the activity, as opposed to a negative reaction that can look like your body contracting, stiffening, freezing up, or moving backward. You may also have a pattern that’s different from this that you’ve already observed in your body when it chooses something or refuses it.

• In a comfortable position (sitting, standing, or lying down), focus your attention and energy on the front of your feet (if you have feet and can feel them), and feel your attention and energy gather like a small sun, filled with light and warmth. Let this energy rise — spread from the tops of your feet up the front of your ankles, your shins, knees, thighs, genital area, palms, wrists, stomach, arms, shoulders, throat, face, and then over the top of your head. Now the energy begins to set — travelling down the back of your head and neck, down your spine and the backs of your arms and elbows and hands, traversing your buttocks, the back of your thighs and knees, down your calves and heels, to end at the bottom of your feet. You may also want to start at the top of your head and go down your back, and end with rising from your feet and ending at your head. You may not have or feel your legs and/or your arms, in which case simply focus on the body parts you do have access to. Give thanks and love to your body as you do this. 
• If you are familiar with herbalism and crystals, you can ethically harvest or acquire herbs  and crystals that connect to knowledge, dreams, and visions. If you want to create a representation of yourself to place herbs or crystals on, make sure that it has a front and back — perhaps a three-dimensional effigy or a doll, or a wood etching that stands upright, with the front and back clearly marked. You can make ointments or oils from the herbs and anoint both the front and back of your body, or take a herbal bath and wash both the front and back. Make sure you give thanks and love to your plant helpers and stone helpers as you do the work, as well as any elements you work with.
• If you are practiced with sigils or drawing symbols, and have a friend to help you, you can have symbols and sigils of knowledge, vision, dreams, and wisdom drawn on the front and the back of you, for example the front and back of your left hand, or on your chest and upper back. Make sure the symbols are aligned. 
• If you are comfortable with and have the capacity for dancing and/or exercise, find a clear place with a mat or spongy floor where you can lie on your back and do stretches or move your limbs and hips to the music. Then roll onto your stomach and do stretches and movements that way, which can involve planking or doing push-ups. If water is easier for your body instead of the ground, and you know how to swim and/or float, practice floating and/or swimming on your front and on your back. The goal is to thank your body, the earth and/or the water, and orient to what feels pleasurable in the movement.

When you are doing Embodiment in a community setting, you or a trusted facilitator can do the above practices together, explaining before you begin that these activities have the intention to connect deeper into our values and knowledge. At the end of the activity, the group can journal together and have a discussion about what came up for them. Some communities may already have rituals and ceremonies that incorporate Embodiment activities as a way to bring individuals or their whole community back to the Centre.

Practice

Traditionally, many communities would have a respected person who receives visions and interprets dreams or a person that travels and gathers knowledge ethically that you could study from or apprentice to so that you could practice the teachings of Visionary and/or Seeker. If you don’t have that option, you could watch internet videos or sign up for classes involving lucid dreaming and dream interpretation, oracular divination, trance work, meditation and mindfulness (that honours the Asian lineage that it comes from), the etiquette of travel, traditional guest protocols, how to work with plant medicines, media literacy and critical thinking, and research ethics (“R-Words: Refusing Research” by Tuck and Yang is a great essay to read online). You can watch documentaries/movies and read articles/books on historical or fictional figures that embody your values as an ideal Visionary and/or an ideal Seeker. Lastly, I strongly suggest also keeping a journal or scrapbook to bring all of these practices together in compiling the knowledge you are learning and the wisdom you wish to preserve that aligns with your values and that may be of service to your communities. From these experiences, you can also come up with your own set of practices, and then journal what changes for you as you do the work and your practice transforms into habit.

Here’s examples of my own Seeker practices:

• No matter what I am doing, it’s always an opportunity to be meditating and intentionally experiencing the world in the present moment as it is, even while I am conscious of how I am interpreting everything through my thoughts, my memories of the past, and my hopes for the future. This practice assists me in being aware of all the different ways I am taking in experience and knowledge simultaneously while I am awake. It also helps me build a secure attachment with Creation itself, and that I am moving towards Creation and not running from it or myself.
• Whenever I exit my house, I am now a guest somewhere else, and try to act with courtesy and gentleness to the environment around me, even as I also take safety precautions based on my understanding of the area. When I am in a human-made area, I try to understand what the rules are (where to walk, what is for cars, which buildings can I enter, do I need money or ID, etc.). When I am in places that may not necessarily be human-made, like a forest, I try to give an offering or libation, or at least say “tabi-tabi po”, which in one of my native languages is just saying “excuse me, I’m passing through” to the spirits of that place.
• When I encounter new information and knowledge, I reflect on it critically, try to find other sources that can verify it, see if I can verify it myself through first hand experience, and then find community members I can share it with to determine if it is valuable and important to the thriving and growth of my communities.
• When I have a new experience, I immediately try to process it with a community member to see if it is something they’ve gone through before. This helps me and my communities understand how to make sense of the experience and to see if it is valuable and important to our thriving and growth.  

Here’s examples of my own Visionary practices:

• I have a journal where I record all of my dreams, divinations, and visions. I study it from time to time, reflecting on the messages and wisdom that’s being shared, and checking in with my communities around their importance and value.
• I try to go on a monthly retreat, which can look like being in my own home or another location, fasting or on a special diet, having no contact with information technology or social media for at least 24 hours, being on a vow of silence, and spending the time meditating, praying, journaling, reflecting, doing spiritwork, creating something, and resting. I share what I’ve learned during retreat with community members during an appropriate time. 

If you’d like your community to enact more Visionary and/or Seeker practices, you can (or find a trusted teacher/facilitator who can) organize a gathering or ceremony of group dream journeying and/or knowledge sharing. This could also look like a skillshare against oppression demons done as a seeker’s ritual, and a collective visioning done as a dreaming ritual or group retreat. I still struggle with getting lost in the Hermit and Fugitive all the time (though these days with the pace of capitalism demons and the internalized ableism possessions, I get more lost in the Fugitive), and it is so crucial for me to be in group retreats that help me realign with the values of my community, to understand the cycles of rest and activity and change, that I have made it my life’s work to organize retreats in service to my communities, so that we can all come home to the Centre together.

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Introduction

This article is an elaboration and continuation of Pagliwanag: Homecoming Teachings, and is the first out of three forthcoming articles which will have a similar format. Each clarification article will describe the core of one of the axes in the Homecoming Teachings, then go into how one can get lost from the Centre, and finally how one can come home to the Centre using Revelation, Embodiment, and Practice. Please read the original article first so as to get the full context of this one.

These teachings can be learned and practiced by oneself if absolutely necessary, but it’s strongly advised to work them out with another person or a group of people. These teachings can be considered therapeutic, but they are meant to be collective suggestions and guidelines for healing justice, especially around personal and collective soul wounding (trauma) and the transformation of oppression demons (internalized oppression).

The Axis of Needs

The axis of the North & South is about our needs. When I’m writing about needs, I am talking about something that, when taken from you or is not fulfilled, immediately diminishes or endangers your quality of life. I separate this from “wants”, which, when added, can increase your quality of life, but will not endanger or diminish it if you don’t have it. Boundaries are also a form of needs, specifically, they are what should not happen, otherwise it would diminish or endanger your quality of life.

For example, I have a need for breathable water, drinkable air, and food with nutrients. I also have a need for loving touch and emotional support. When I don’t have these needs, my life is in danger, or severely diminished. Things I want: someone to play horror videogames with, fantasy books involving Tagalog mythological creatures having polyamorous relationships, and a service robot. If I didn’t get any of these things, I’m going to be okay, but if I did get them, I’d have a lot more fun. My boundaries, on the other hand, include not being physically attacked, not being verbally abused through name-calling and condescension, and not being lied to within intimate relationships in regards to significant decision-making matters. If my boundaries are violated, I am hurt and need to say something or adjust my behaviour for my protection.

My needs and boundaries are directly coming from my values and my purpose, which is at the Centre of these teachings. I value life and thus attempt to protect it physically and nourish it with water and food. I value honesty, so I request not to be lied to. I value relationships and community, and so I cultivate touch and emotional connection, and I request not being verbally attacked. In addition, my needs and boundaries take into account Service and Change — that I also am in service to the needs and boundaries of my communities, and that I can advocate for needs and boundaries, but sometimes things will happen outside of my control and to make peace with the cycles of change, such as how death is a part of life.

Getting Lost

When individuals and communities are attacked by their personal demons, community demons, and/or oppression demons, the soul wounding (trauma) that occurs pushes people away from the Centre, and they get lost far into the North or the South. This means their needs and boundaries are no longer aligned with Service and Change, their purpose and their values, but instead becomes focused on Control and/or Irresponsibility.

For example, when I get lost in the Destroyer, my desire to control what is happening moves beyond protecting myself and my community, into destroying the other. I cannot grasp my responsibility to all life, only to my own, or to the ones I consider “mine”. To control the other person, I become irresponsible with my own words and actions. My feelings are the most important, specifically my anger, which when balanced is just informational energy in my body that tells me to protect my needs. However, when the feeling is not understood as a signal, it becomes an energy that can reopen my soul wounds, which causes a lot of pain. That pain, especially with the intrusive thoughts of personal/community/oppression demons, goad me to see attacks and enemies even when there are none, through tones, gestures, words, accidental touch, etc. I then lash out against the other person or people.

On the other hand, I can also be lost in the Destroyer by turning on my own self in a form of self-destructive critical perfectionism. This is slightly different from being lost in the Martyr, where the Martyr’s actions are to sacrifice themself for other people, the Destroyer turns on themself because they see themself as the enemy of their own self or their community, and the only answer is destruction. This can look like avoiding others out of self-hatred and shame, as well as enacting self-injurious and suicidal behaviours.

When I become lost in the Martyr, my desire to control what is happening moves beyond the balance and responsibility that life requires, such as my own, and completely wants to care for the other at the expense of the self. This isn’t true caring, as the Healer understands the interconnection of people in a relationship, and so when one person harms themself by ignoring their needs or boundaries, the other person is also being harmed. The Martyr’s feelings of fear are consuming, and like the Destroyer’s anger, the Martyr forgets that fear is informational energy that requires a strengthening and preparation of boundaries for a threat, and instead the fear rips open soul wounds, causing pain that is manipulated by the intrusive thoughts of personal/community/oppression demons. I am then goaded into constantly allowing behaviour that harms me, saying yes to tasks or actions when I don’t have the capacity to do them, and hiding my own feelings/thoughts/needs so I can never be abandoned and/or to prove that I am worthy to someone or a group of people.

In the colonial world, the Destroyer’s behaviours can be understood as narcissism and/or borderline personality disorder, or as avoidant attachment styles. The Martyr’s behaviours in the colonial world can be understood as codependence and anxious attachment styles. However, whole communities in the colonial world can get lost in the Destroyer or Martyr, goaded by community demons and oppression demons.

Communities become lost in the Destroyer when they attack others based on characteristics outside of their control, even others that would usually be considered part of the community. This is due to community/oppression demons like racism, (hetero)sexism, cisgenderism, and general xenophobia. There are also community demons that can encourage behaviour like the most extreme forms of cancel culture and disposability politics that replicate police and prison institutions– where once these behaviours may have started as protective measures against oppression demons and those in power who perpetuate them, they are then used against other community members without an attempt at recognizing their humanity and potential for change and service.

Communities become lost in the Martyr when they welcome and defend unjust authorities and hierarchies, refusing to stick up for fellow community members who are being harmed by community/oppression demons, and actually justifying or rationalizing that harm. These behaviours can look like assimilationist moves and respectability culture, which may have begun as protective or compassionate measures towards colonial/imperial institutions, and then became twisted by the fear of losing what little resources have been left to communities devastated by oppression demons. They sacrifice their other community members for even a promise of more stability and security, a promise that may never be fulfilled.

Revelation

The first part of the Homecoming Teachings, to begin a person and their community’s return to Centre, is Revelation — for the Axis of the North & South, it means developing an understanding of Service, Change, Needs, Boundaries, and Feelings.

In the colonial world, if you are a person whose community may also be lost or wounded, so they cannot perform a ritual or ceremony to help bring you back to the Centre, then you can start by reading books from the library and articles on the internet. I recommend Anne Katherine’s books on boundaries. I myself went to pay-what-you-can workshops about emotions, needs, and self-esteem in my area. As you learn with your mind, start to make notes and/or create art in a notebook or scrapbook. Then you can also set up a permanent or temporary altar, gathering objects that symbolize what you’ve been discovering about your needs, boundaries, and feelings. This work will also, hopefully, begin to lead you into understanding your values or more of your values, which should be recorded in your journal.

To connect to your heart and spirit, Revelation should also include a journey into the spirit world (if you are trained in spiritwork). If you are not trained in spiritwork, you can try a visualization exercise similar to what I’ve written below.

[This section was taken out for this excerpt.]

Remember to set an alarm if you can, so that you can then return through the gate back to your Centre and thank and say goodbye to your new guide, before your next activity for the day.

Revelation is a constant unfolding, and you can also move on to Embodiment and Practice while you continue to develop an understanding of these teachings. You can also attend workshops or sessions that I run on these teachings specifically.

If you feel that you also need to bring your community into this Revelation, you can organize a workshop or skillshare about boundaries, needs, and feelings that can be facilitated by you (depending on how far you’ve continued in this practice or returned to Centre) or by someone that you know embodies the energies of Protector and Healer, and has the capacity to relay these Revelations. Having this group gathering, even if it’s not a formal ritual or ceremony, also supports your own Homecoming, in addition to your community’s.

Embodiment

The North & South Axis is connected to the right and left side of our bodies — some of us will associate North with right, while others may associate North with left. Regardless, the focus is on coordinating the right and left sides.

Here are some embodiment activities that you can choose from based on how your body reacts. This means that your body expands, relaxes, or moves forward when you read or say aloud the activity, as opposed to a negative reaction that can look like your body contracting, stiffening, freezing up, or moving backward. You may also have a pattern that’s different from this that you’ve already observed in your body when it chooses something or refuses it.

• In a comfortable position (sitting, standing, or lying down), focus your attention on your right hand. You can do this with eyes closed or eyes open. Feel the energy gather in your hand with your attention, feel what it’s like on the inside of your hand and on its surface. When you feel ready, move the energy from your hand up to your elbow, to your shoulder, across your chest, to your other shoulder, down the elbow, and into your left hand. Move the energy back and forth from your left hand back to your right. Do the same from your right foot, up to your hips, across your genitals, to your left foot, and then back to the right. You can even practice moving the energy from your right foot and right hand to your left foot and left hand simultaneously. Give thanks and love to your body as you do this. If you only feel or have legs, or only feel or have arms, you can focus on whichever limbs you have or can feel, or you can focus on your torso or head instead.
• If you are familiar with herbalism and crystals, you can ethically harvest or acquire herbs that are balancing for your emotions, and crystals that strengthen your boundaries and get in touch with your needs. You can draw a grid that is your body and put the crystals on that grid, making sure the left and right are balanced. You can make ointments or oils from the herbs and anoint both the left and right sides of your body. Make sure you give thanks and love to your plant helpers and stone helpers as you do the work.
• If you are practiced with sigils or drawing symbols, and are somewhat ambidextrous, you can draw symbols or sigils of balancing emotions, of respecting needs and boundaries, on the left side of your body and on your right, making sure the symbols are drawn on both sides.
• If you are comfortable and have the capacity with dancing, find a clear place where you can stretch both the left and right sides of your body, and then began to move (with or without music, your choice), orienting towards what feels pleasurable for your body as you move and dance, and paying attention to how your right side responds to your left, and vice versa.

When you are doing Embodiment in a community setting, you or a trusted facilitator can do the above practices together, explaining before you begin that these activities are about how the intention is to connect deeper into our values, needs, feelings, and boundaries. At the end of the activity, the group can journal together and have a discussion about what came up for them. Some communities may already have rituals and ceremonies that incorporate Embodiment activities as a way to bring individuals or their whole community back to the Centre.

Practice

Traditionally, many communities would have a respected warrior or healer that you could study from or apprentice to so that you could practice the teachings of Protector and/or Healer. If you don’t have that option, you could watch internet videos or sign up for classes involving self-defense and healing modalities connected to your ancestry and/or community. You can watch documentaries/movies and read articles/books on historical or fictional figures that embody your values as an ideal Protector and/or an ideal Healer. Lastly, I strongly suggest also learning self-accountability skills, either from groups like 12 Step or similar programs, or to set up an accountability pod. From these experiences, you can also come up with your own set of practices, and then journal what changes for you as you do the work and your practice transforms into habit.

Here’s examples of my own Healer practices:

• Instead of getting angry and saying hateful things at my body when I am sick, or angry at the environment around me and saying hateful things when a situation doesn’t go my way, I try to pause and meditate on the situation, focusing on what the purpose and function of my body and its different organs are, or on what are the different purposes and functions of the technology, nature, and other parts of the environment. I then meditate on how I can further align my inner parts and the external environment towards their purpose and function, as opposed to what I want them to do.
• When I’m in conflict with another person and they are not giving me what I want or need, or has violated a boundary and I have already established new boundaries and consequences, I also meditate on how I can be gentle and compassionate towards myself and this person in the conflict, holding space for how we can both realign towards our purpose.

Here’s examples of my own Protector practices:

• Every time I feel anger within myself and for my community, I meditate on the message of the anger — the what and the how. What are my values that are asking to be protected? What are the values of my community that are asking to be protected? After I understand what those values are, I meditate on how I can protect those values, while still honouring the purpose and value of all life as much as possible. Perhaps the protection doesn’t require confronting who or what did the harm or is making the threat. Perhaps protection involves building up defenses and resilience, and forming a communal strategy to get more information on the nature of the threat.
• When I’m in conflict with another person, and I’m terrified of them, I meditate on what it is I fear I will lose, and consider how my community can make up for that loss. I meditate on how it’s more important to me to live by my principles and values than the fear of loss. I focus on explaining the harm that was done to me, the request for changed behaviour, and the consequences for the harm done and for any continued harm. I feel and visualize my ancestors and guardian spirits arrayed around me as protection as I vocalize or write out my own boundary to the other person.

If you’d like your community to enact more Protector and/or Healer practices, you can (or find a trusted teacher/facilitator who can) organize a gathering or ceremony of group protection and/or group healing. This could also look like a protest/rally against oppression demons as a protection ritual, and a vigil or rally where the speakers offer blessings to the people as a healing ritual. Community accountability rituals can also be done to combine both Protector and Healer energy, a form of transformative justice that includes the ancestors and spirit world. However, I strongly advise that for community accountability to work, everyone involved already is practiced around self-accountability skills, and has begun work around balancing and embracing both their Protector and their Healer, and is not lost in the Destroyer or the Martyr. I still struggle with getting lost in Destroyer and Martyr all the time, and it’s been so crucial that there are other people who also have self-accountability skills to be in community with and hold me accountable, while still honouring my humanity, and supporting me coming home to the Centre.

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Want to read the full article? Become a patron on Patreon for as little as $1/month to support my Elders and healing work among my communities. $5/month, and you can get an audio recording/podcast of the livestream chat about this article with community members on our free Discord server. (If you want to join the Kinaban Discord server, send me an email!)

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CW/TW: oppression

This article is divided into the following sections:

• Background
• Oppression Demons & Their Patterns
• Rituals to Transform Oppression Demons

Background

I’ve been receiving visions and dreams on Oppression Demons for as long as I can remember. Starhawk’s book Truth or Dare was also very helpful in understanding how they work. Though this article completes the set of writings on demons (see “Soul Wounds & Personal Demons” and “Community Demons”), the main catalyst was community members and loved ones (including myself) who began to realize they needed communal support around healing from sexual trauma and assault.

Much of the knowledge of the behaviours and patterns of oppression demons have been done by the scholarship and teachings of many before me, especially Black writers/teachers like Eddie Ndopu, Franz Fanon, Audre Lorde, Angela Davis, bell hooks, Kimberle Crenshawe, Barnor Hesse, Alishia McCullough, Rhizome Syndigrast Coelacanth Flourishing, and Luka Roderique. Other writers that have been deeply influential are Edward Said, Jose Rizal, Dylan Rodriguez, Leny Strobel, Grace Nono, E.J.R. David, Kay Ulanday Barrett, Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha, Mia Mingus, AJ Withers, Harsha Walia, Eve Tuck, Lynn Gehl, Leanne Betasamosake Simpson, Robin Wall Kimmerer, Patty Berne, Eli Clare, and Andrea Smith. Zainab Amadahy’s Ways of Wielding the Force is particularly influential in regards to communal ritual. I’ve also recently come across the work of Tada Hozumi and dare sohei, who are adding a somatic and important depth to my understanding, and of which my understanding on oppression demons may radically change the more I become students of their work. There are so many others that I do not have time to name, but all the credit goes to my Elders and teachers. I ask for your forgiveness if I have forgotten to name you.

[This section was taken out for this excerpt.]

Oppression Demons & Their Patterns

To review, I wrote in the “Community Demons” article that oppression demons try to infiltrate different communities (groups of people that share similar values, beliefs, and customs) and imprint a specific pattern of violence through the deception that the oppression demons’ hierarchies are “natural”. Each demon has its own pattern of violence, but it relentlessly tries to force folks in communities to do it, regardless of the community.

An oppression demon’s pattern of violence attempts to target one group or community, while convincing another group or community that this scapegoating is deserved or will benefit the rest. Those who are most likely to discover the pattern of violence that an oppression demon tries to bring about, are the survivors of this violence (what we would call the “oppressed” or “marginalized”). Those who are least likely to discover or even believe that an oppression demon is working through them or is in the community are those who are “unaffected” or benefit from this violence (what we could call the “privileged”). I used quotation marks for “unaffected” because there is still a way that an oppression demon affects everyone in the community, even if a person isn’t a specific target for the pattern of violence.

Usually, the oppression demon also tries to convince the targets of violence that they deserve being treated this way too, and that setting up a “system” that perpetuates this violence is “natural”. When targets of violence from an oppression demon hurt each other because they are consciously or unconsciously convinced by the oppression demon’s violent agenda, this is usually called “lateral violence”.

When folks, both the oppressed and the privileged, are possessed by these demons, there is the argument that “this is just how it is”, that they “deserve” to be treated this way, or that the targets of violence “deserve” their treatment. This type of violent hierarchical thinking is what “affects” those that are privileged, and it disconnects them from community and each other. With a group that can be scapegoated, then that means that the privileged are “worthy” and “deserving”, and most of their identity becomes built on being at the “the top”. Thus going against the influence of oppression demons can also cause psychological suffering as they realize they are not as “worthy” or “deserving”, that the system was set up to harm others deliberately, and that they have been unknowingly complicit or deliberately responsible for violence.

Oppression demons have an added layer of complexity where some people can be privileged by one and oppressed by another. Those who are being oppressed by one or more demons tend to have trouble recognizing when and how they are privileged by another. Those who are being oppressed by multiple demons, the patterns of violence become merged most times, and are not separable– they interweave with each other. This is one of the main patterns that all oppression demons have: through setting up violent hierarchies they seek to constantly hide their existence while dividing communities from each other and feeding off the suffering of everyone involved, but especially those that are the target of violence.

For examples of specific demons, I refer you to some of the teaching tools I created:

• Systems that Spread Empire and Oppression
• Dis/Ableism
• Pillars of White Supremacy
• The Western Gender Binary

So, yes, there is a white supremacy archdemon that is composed of the anti-Blackness demon, the settler colonialism demon, the Orientalism demon, and the anti-migrant demon. There is an ageism archdemon that can be split into anti-youth and anti-elder demons. There is the gender binary archdemon that gives birth to the patriarchy demon of rape culture. I didn’t want to start off with these “isms” and these types of names because they are academic and sometimes unwieldy, and sometimes using such terms is another way to hide the demons’ existence from us.

It’s also important to understand that oppression demons don’t just possess humans individually or intergenerationally in their words and deeds, but they also possess the sacred tools and technology of humans such as how we build our dwellings, our cities, our policies, our weapons, etc., etc. This means that there are specific buildings or tools or forms of technology that are “infected” by the oppression demon so that they are deliberately created to violently target a group or community while privileging another.

An oppression demon’s reach is huge, and its form vast. I’ve found that if I’m doing work to heal from and transform a personal demon or a community demon, and it keeps coming back even when I thought the process was complete, most likely it is because it’s part of a larger oppression demon, and the oppression demon will just keep sending more and more of itself disguised as personal or community demons. So how do we stop the harm of the oppression demons?

Rituals to Transform Oppression Demons

The key that I’ve witnessed is the power of communal ritual– the bigger the oppression demon, the more people are required for the ceremony. This is to counter a lot of the oppression demons’ powers. For example, instead of being convinced that the demon doesn’t exist and that there is no harm, we are deliberately calling the demon out in ceremony and naming the harms. Instead of dividing us and obeying a violent hierarchy or supremacy, we are coming together in ceremony as equals to envision together a different world. Lastly, instead of being consumed by the fear and hatred that spurs all oppression demons, we offer them love and peace, until they too become transformed.

Another important reason, which was covered somewhat in the “Community Demons” article, is that it’s easier to not get “possessed” by a demon when in a group. For example, when in circle with community members and I hear an oppression demon begin to possess them as they start to shake and say things over and over again like they “deserved” their oppression, I can hold space for their feelings and also counter the narrative the oppression demon is implanting– even if I’ve said those things to myself. I know that same person would do the exact same thing for me, even if they just went through it yesterday. Sometimes it’s a lot easier to fight for and come to the defense of your community members than yourself, but that’s why they also come to your defense and support.

Common types of communal anti-oppression rituals are protests/direct actions, vigils, and celebrations.

Protests and direct actions channel the rage of multiple communities, and this potent energy of protection and defense can be used to dismantle or undo an oppression demon’s influence in physical areas (like taking back land, pushing downs statues, repurposing factories and police stations, etc.) or in the realm of decision-making (convincing politicians to change legislation, or CEOs to change policies).

Vigils, especially with the use of storytelling of the past and present, are an outlet of grief for multiple communities. Not only does it help to turn the restless dead into honoured ancestors, but it provides a healing space for folks to begin to come to terms with the ongoing reality of losses, of what oppression demons cost our peoples, so that folks can be moved to action. On the other hand, vigils can also be a post-protest ceremony, for coming to terms with all the grief after the angry defense work, so that more room can be made for hope and rebuilding.

Celebrations, especially paired with storytelling/visioning of the future, are not just an outlet for communities’ joys together, but also by anchoring a reality outside of the oppression demons’ narratives and violent hierarchies. Celebrations can contain the reality that our communities can be one of peace and love, and that we can relate to other groups and communities without violently placing each other in hierarchies. Celebrations can channel creation energy to (re)build the present and future through drawing, painting, sculpture, singing, dancing, chanting, playing musical instruments, and re-teaching technology spirits like buildings and tools that they can be re-oriented away from oppression and towards the ways of spiritual connection and community.

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Want to read the full article? Become a patron on Patreon for as little as $1/month to support my Elders and healing work among my communities. $5/month, and you can get an audio recording/podcast of the livestream chat about this article with community members on our free Discord server. (If you want to join the Kinaban Discord server, send me an email!)

https://www.patreon.com/posts/38813600

CW/TW: discussions around trauma, soul wounds, intrusive thoughts, personal demons, mental illness, healing journeys

I remember when a lilt in someone’s tone, a certain phrase, a touch on the “wrong” part of my skin would feel like the sky crashing down. Sometimes I would be hurtled backwards through time, images and sounds booming through my mind. Other times an agony would spread all across my body, causing me to shake or clench my fists, a howl trapped in my chest that would bring me to my knees. Then the voices would come: “You failure”, “You monster”, “You deserved it”, “You’re worthless”, “No! Make them suffer!”, “You’re in danger, get away from them!” And on and on it went, a tumult that would send me far away from the present moment, my limbs reacting, my speech responding, in ways that people could not understand, or frightened them.

Things changed for me, slowly. It took a lot of work, multiple types of work simultaneously and oftentimes rigorously, but it happened. In this article, I’d like to share some of the work with you, specifically the spiritual and non-Western forms of healing in regards to trauma and the cognitive distortions that come with complex and chronic trauma. During these times of collective pain and grief and fear, when a virus ravaging the land may itself be causing new wounds in our soul, new traumas to heal from, perhaps we can take this time to add more tools into our medicine cabinet. Or just rest, my dear ones. I’ve been doing plenty of that, and that also is a large portion of healing work.

For those curious and as rested as you’ll ever be, read on. I’ll briefly be describing some Western theories of trauma and non-Western understandings (indigenous and Tibetan Buddhist, mostly). I’ll go into descriptions of personal rituals that worked for me, though I highly encourage at least one witness to follow you on this journey, even if they’re just listening on the phone or through video chat.

I also want to name some of the teachers whose words directly influenced my understanding– to offer my gratitude and also in case you would like to do some reading or training as well. In regards to indigenous understandings, I owe my life to the works of Eduardo Duran (Healing the Soul Wound), Renee Linklater (Decolonizing Trauma Work), Francesca Mason Boring (Connecting to Our Ancestral Past), Malidoma Patrice Somé (Ritual: Power, Healing, and Community; Of Water and Spirit; The Healing Wisdom of Africa), Grace Nono (Song of the Babaylan), and being in the presence of communities of healing guided by Elder Harry Snowboy, Elder Juliana Snowboy, and Elder Blu Waters. My understanding of trauma from a Tibetan Buddhist perspective (Kagyu, Nyingma, and Shambhala lineages) is from the works of Machig Labdrön, Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche, and Lama Tsultrim Allione. In regards to Western theories of trauma, I learned from Staci Haines (The Politics of Trauma), Pete Walker (Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving), Judith Lewis Herman (Trauma and Recovery), the Somatics Experiencing Trauma Institute, and peer support training with the Psychiatric Survivors of Ottawa.

[The section on Western Views of Trauma was taken out for this excerpt.]

Non-Western Views of Trauma

Indigenous worldviews also talk about an external force. It’s not so much an event, as it is a spirit or force that severs your connection with your Self, your communities, and Creation. This severing is done in such a way that your attempts to heal yourself only keep hurting you, since you’ve lost the larger perspective that your communities, Ancestors, and memories would have given you to heal fully.

Soul wounds are not about biological vulnerability— it’s about how each person is unique and each wounding is unique based on how and what happened to them and their communities. The focus is also more on who and what has done the wounding, how they (whether it is the spirit of institutional oppression or racist strangers) can be stopped and healed. Some of the external forces also have a spiritual aspect that becomes internalized– these become personal demons that, when a soul wound is reopened, feed on the emotional energy coming out of that wound by ripping it further open through interpreting the original event as the person’s fault, and that they should harm themselves and others around them.

Healing the soul wound requires a journey of reconnection— to the love of and offered by Creation, to one’s safe and trusting communities (which also includes Ancestors, plants, animals, minerals, technology, etc), and to one’s Self (which includes the different parts of memories that have been severed— sensation, images, behaviours, emotions, and meaning). If there are personal demons feeding on the soul wounds, sometimes healing the soul wound also requires a journey of transformative/restorative justice and accountability for the ones who have done the wounding, as well as confronting the personal demons and transforming them. This healing journey is most effective in ritual or ceremony with trusted community members and healers.

In the Tibetan Buddhist views that I’m familiar with, trauma is part of the suffering of life due to a human being’s attachment that breeds false hope and constant fear, as well as the forgetfulness of remembering that we are all one existence– all part of Creation. The external forces that sever us from Creation can also be understood as manifestations of our own internal forces that can be met with compassion and love, as well as using skilful, realistic, practical action in our day-to-day lives.

For healing, meditation is the prime vehicle to work on staying present, while tantric practices like transmuting emotions into energy and Chöd (“cutting through the ego”) face the effects of the severing or confront the spiritual aspects of the external forces that caused the severing itself.

Spiritual Healing Practices for Soul Wounds & Personal Demons

I’m going to briefly present some spiritual healing practices that folks can do on their own or with a group of trusted people during an online gathering, over the phone, or in person. These are what I named some of the healing practices I want to share: 1) The Healing Altar, 2) Body Temple Work, and 3) Naming Soul Wounds and Naming Personal Demons.

The Healing Altar

• On a piece of paper, write your name in the middle and draw a circle around it.
• Then draw a larger circle. On the outside of the large circle, write or draw your concept of a loving power.
• Inside the large circle, draw/write your safe and trusting connections.
• Try to draw or write things that you could also get as a physical object to hold or wear.
• You can keep this paper and use it as part of your healing process.
• You can also use it as a rough draft and make a collage or more artistic version.
• You can also use it as a template and set up an altar in your room with all the objects. All you need is a shelf or table. Remember not to put anything else on that shelf or table except your healing objects, unless they’re also healing too! So no car keys, or mittens, or pictures of your ex.
• The purpose of the Healing Altar is to create intentions for your healing work, and also to visually/physically represent your sources of strength, your support network, and also how you are rooted in Creation even when you feel severed from it. You are loved. You are held.

Body Temple Work

• Try and draw out your own body on a piece of paper. It doesn’t have to be elaborate, and you use a metaphor, like a tree, or a house, or a spaceship. What are the limbs? What is the torso? What is the head? What are the insides?
• If you feel comfortable with being inside your body, I encourage you to quietly do a body scan. Bring your attention from your feet to the top of your head. Start with your front, then your back, and then your insides.
• Now I want you to think about plants. Plants take in our carbon dioxide and they breathe out oxygen for us. Our connection to them is mutually beneficial and helpful.
• It’s the same with how our energy flows back and forth with our connections. Our anger, our grief, our terror– they can also be taken and we receive something back that can be peace and joy. Trees I find especially caring like this.
• For your Body Temple, I invite you to imagine how energy flows in and out of it.
• If it’s a house, do you sweep out the energy you don’t need, and open your windows to the energy you do need? If you are a tree, do you let the toxins out through your roots and draw up energy from the sun?
• If you did not draw anything but did a body scan, use your in-breath as drawing in peaceful energy and your out-breath as exhaling out energy you don’t need.
• For those of you who drew a picture, draw how you would protect your body temple. Is there a force field around your star ship? Is there a fence or alarm system on your house? Is there a fence and/or animals that guard your tree?
• What do you want to keep out of your body and what do you want in?
• How would you program the protectors to know what to let into your body and what to keep out?
• For those who did not draw anything, visualize a force field around your body, that you can change the way you change your clothes. Maybe choose a colour or texture, such as “red” or “metal” for wanting to block out people’s unjustified anger towards you, or “yellow” or “wood” for blocking out fear. Make sure that you still tell yourself you want to be open to other energies, just not the specific ones you shield against.
• How does this exercise translate to the kinds of people we want in our life? The kinds of social interactions? How do we verbally communicate and physically move to protect ourselves?
• How does this exercise translate to the kinds of food we eat, the clothes we wear, the medicines and products we use in and on our bodies?

Naming Soul Wounds & Personal Demons

• Once you’ve created a Healing Altar for yourself and practiced Body Temple Work, you can sit down with a trusted person or with your Healing Altar, and begin to reflect on the patterns of your triggers.
• Sometimes it helps to start a journal, or ask people what they’ve noticed in regards to when you become triggered– i.e. the moment you begin reacting to a situation where you’re responding to a threat that isn’t there.
• Here’s how this process might look like, or how it looked like for me: First, I started to notice that I felt pain, like I was about to die, when I received any kind of criticism from a loved one or made a mistake with a loved one. After some careful work with journaling, counselors, and memory retrieving rituals, I found specific memories of chronic child abuse that wounded my soul around believing I should have been born and that I was inherently bad. I called this wound “the Monster”. I also noticed that I would have a “fight response”, or feel angry and do controlling, harmful behaviours towards loved ones when they couldn’t “be there” for me, even when it was reasonable boundaries they were setting. I went through the same process of journaling/counseling/ritual, and found other memories of child abuse and intimate partner violence that wounded my soul into believing that I always had to be the one taking care of others and then being abandoned, and that I was “entitled” to unconditional constant care. I called this wound “the Orphan”.
• Naming your personal demons is a similar process, but they are looking at the behaviours that you do from the wounds. For example, when something triggered the Monster wound for me, I had a behaviour where I immediately wanted to hide away from everyone and stop talking. I soon realized that was my personal demon of self-isolation. I had another behaviour where I would take lots of drugs, alcohol, or binge eat certain types of food. I named that personal demon addiction. When something triggered my Orphan wound, I had a behaviour where I would try to punish the person I perceived was abandoning me, a personal demon that I described as “make them suffer the way you suffered”.
• Naming our soul wounds and personal demons can be a slow, painful, vulnerable process, but it lays the groundwork for healing your wounds closed and transforming those demons into allies.
• When you start recognizing the wound, you can begin the process of noticing when it’s being ripped open by accident or on purpose. Then you can also start recognizing which personal demons flock to you when your wound is reopened. Through this naming process, you can be more clear about your boundaries and needs around your healing work while also taking responsibility for the impact you have on others when you are reacting to your personal demons.

What happens next after these three practices? Well, there are many more types of practices one can learn. Meditation is an amazing practice and skill, first to learn to notice and observe what’s going on inside your body, your emotions, how to react, and then for staying present in a situation instead of immediately reacting to a soul wound or listening to a personal demon. There are rituals you can do with healers where they can retrieve the piece of your soul that went missing, go back to the original memories with you, and “complete” or restore the soul piece, find the resolution that had been needed, help you create a lesson from it that doesn’t make you into the Monster or the Orphan. There are ceremonies you can do in regards to facing your personal demons, realizing what they really need to be fed, and feeding them so that they have the chance to transform into allies. There are ceremonies around accountability and forgiveness.

This process is lifelong, especially when there are continuous ways our soul gets wounded from the ongoing larger spirit of oppression that makes our personal demons look like dollhouses compared to the monolithic haunted house of, say, colonization. That’s why I really encourage collective healing and communal ceremony paired with direct action in conjunction with these healing practices (inspiration for the next article, perhaps?). We are all part of Creation– when Creation is wounded, so are we; when we are wounded, so i s Creation. Liberation and transformation happens together.

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